Destiny Unfolding

Just a thought on this first Father's Day wihtout my Dad...

2009-06-21T12:48:00.003-04:00

Allow me to be honest...

Today is my first Father's Day without my Dad, Frank A. Clayton III. It's been difficult on my mother and sister especially. That is not to say that today has not been difficult for me. The day probably became most difficult when I dropped Cory off at the airport. On my ride back from the airport I slipped back into the state of "God why did you have to take my dad?"

Immediately after my father passed I went through a stage of being angry with God about taking my father's life. I was angry first because my father was a good Black man. He was ethical, loving and supportive (just to name a few....see the eulogy below to learn more about this great man). He was my buddy and I realize that in many black families a father like him is not always among the number. The second reason I was angry with God was because I figure "I still need him more than you do." As a young adult I am at a point in my life where I value Dad's opinoin and now know the right questions to ask. I figured if God is all knowing that he ought to know I need my father more then He does.

However, today I realized that I can count what I have gained or I can count what I have lost. Yes, I lost my Dad, but I gained a tremendous experience with an amazing man. Yes, I lost my Dad, but I gained the opportunity to witness a good father and husband. Yes, I lost my Dad, but I gained a confidant who I could trust in any and all situations. And the list could go on and on.

Today, I will count what I have gained and not what was lost.

Fruits of the Spirit Fast

2009-05-05T11:22:00.002-04:00

18 Day Cleansing Fast

(I've never been much of a journelor, but I will try and write a little each day in a special little journal I have for this.)

Stage 1 - First 9 Days
It is my hope that in the first 9 days I will begin to move toward a balance of Mind, Body & Spirit. I want to explore these 9 days with God creatively. It is my intention to embrace this season of challenge and trial by looking for ways that I can be transformed internally.

Spirit

* Continue with my 7 AM prayer Group
* Have Private Prayer in the evenings
* Focus on the fruit of the day through study
* Watch a sermon via youtube.com or streamingfaith.com

Mind

* I want to be more methodical when I speak. So I will work more intentionally to think before I speak.
* Spending an ever-increasing amoung of time in Zen Meditation with the help of some Buddhist practices that have helped my Christian Journey of Medication. I will work on the disciplines necessary to cleanse my mind of racing and wondering thoughts. I will seek to embrace the naked silence.
* Limitation of Television to 4 hours (I don't work so this is major) and Facebook to 3 hours.
* Read at least one book that works with me internally.
* Work to expand my creativity by creating a video blog devotional and prayer

Body

* I will seek to eat very healthy these 9 days (Fruits, Veggies, Grains, Lean Meats & Seafood). No processed foods. No fast foods. No frozen foods. No fried foods.
* Some physical fitness exercise M-F (swimming, yoga, dance, cardio)
* Working to clean up the physical space around me and mantain that space as a sanctuary
* REST: I will be going to bed at 10:00 PM each evening and not rising until 7:00 AM
* Working towards 90 oz of water /day

Spelman College

2009-03-19T15:02:00.002-04:00

I keep getting those letters, e-mails and even phone calls from Spelman asking me to give money. I was reading another blog about what HBCUs do and don't offer and the lack of financial support they receive. I shared the following...

I am a Spelman Woman…and very proud of it. I grew up in an all white and predominantly Jewish neighborhood. I needed Spelman College. I was a young black girl in search of a deeper understanding of what that meant to be a young black woman.

When I crossed those gates, I entered into a world that challenged me. Yes, I was challenged by the long lines for registration. Yes, challenged by the lack of financial aid. Yes, challenged by the registrars “totally off” way of doing things and leading you to believe you weren’t going to graduate because of an error on their end and not yours.
I was challenged by the limiting number (set by the school) of women who were allowed to pledge Greek organizations. I was challenged by my Women’s Studies courses and all the depth they had to offer. AND I was especially challenged by Dr. Weems’ Introduction to Old Testament Class. She walked in, set her things down and we girls (and a few guys) stood in awe of this theological giant. And yes, Dr. Weems, you challenged us when you said, “I am Dr. Weems. I have never taught an undergraduate course. Though this is an undergraduate institution, I don’t plan on changing the way I teach Hebrew Bible.” We looked around and knew we would be challenged.

But beyond the fried chicken Wednesday and fried fish Fridays there was a tremendous gift that was not necessarily taught in the classrooms. When I arrived on the Spelman Campus all of the women looked just like me. We were all African Americas and we were all women. Spelman provided me with a unique opportunity to spend 4 years of my life figuring out what makes me different form all of these women, who externally (according to the senses report) are just like me.

What a tremendously time for me grow, discern real friends, find a sense of direction and learn the value of sisterhood. We were pressed on day one, by Dr. Zenobia Hikes, to spend our time finding our Nia (“Purpose”). At the end of the day, the value of my own self worth could not be taught in the classroom alone, but was a process I needed to engage in order to grow (sometimes late in the midnight hour).

Today, I’m having trouble finding work after attending Princeton Theological Seminary (Lord, it made me appreciate Spelman all the more). But I, with what little I have, have given $25 as often as I can. I do this not just because I should give back, but also because when my student loans are long gone, the gift that this college has given to me will continue. It’s not much, but it is something. Then again, we grew from people who made something out of nothing.

He Said, She Said, God Said (Tag Team Preaching at Trinity United Church of Christ for the Married Couples Worship Service - Chicago, IL)

2009-03-19T14:11:00.003-04:00

Learning to Lead - Part I

2009-03-03T09:14:00.004-05:00

My generation is consumed with the thought of "maximum capacity." Which is to say that so many of us must have the maximum use out of everything, even ourselves. We jump right on in to the deep end...well at least I tend to.

Take for example a Play Station 3 -- or PS3 (which somehow my husband convinced me to buy). The PS3 doesn't just play video games. No, it also plays DVD (blue-ray to be exact), it holds pictures, surf's the web, plays music, can play your games from PS2 and probably a bunch of other things I have no clue about. In other words, it can't just do one things.

I think we treat people like that and it's not good. People are of no use to us if they can only do one thing great. We expect them to great at a long list of things and them expect them to be great at multi-task.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about that, particularly in the context of leadership. My generation is programed to believe that we must do all things well and all at the same time. But what if we stepped back and played to our strengths, knowing that our weakness is someone else's strength.

I am in the midst of trying to form myself into a better leader. I know that God has given me a gift for leadership. However, I am coming to realize that in order to work on my gift of leadership I can't lead in everything, can't be good at everything and certainly can't master everything.

Real leadership, I think I'm coming to understand, is playing to my strengths and finding others to play to my weakness. I don't mean that in a "use people" kind of way. But in the area's where I am weak, someone else is strong.

Furthermore, in the context of the church, we talk about how on 10% of the church does the work. Could that be only because we keep asking the same 10% over and over to assist. If were leading a church, its about finding out what drives the other 90% and helping them find there niche.

In the end, I think Leadership is like preaching. Even if your born with the gifts, you still have to spend time perfecting it.

Eulogy for My Dad…Frank A Clayton, III

2009-02-25T12:24:00.002-05:00

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yield its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.” Psalm 1:3

Langston Hughes, the famous poet, once asked the question, “What happens to a dream deferred?”

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore and then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat>
Or crust and sugar over like a syrup sweet.
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it just explode?

While this was the question which perplexed Langston Hughes, I am clear that it was not the question that mystified Frank Alexander Clayton III. If Langston Hughes spent his nights asking “What happens to a dream deferred?” then Frank Clayton spent his days wondering “What happens to a dream manifested?”

What happens to a dream manifested?
Does it grow tall and spread wide like the petals of a sun flowers?
Or like a freight train moving forward gain tremendous power?
Does it bring a smile to the faces of those we love?
Or spread its wings and fly gracefully like a dove?
Maybe it just stretches and beds like plastic.
Or perhaps its just simply fantastic?

No, No the question which drove Frank was not “What happens to a dream deferred” But rather “what happens to a dream manifested?”

Without question, my father was a man who was all about dreaming. Not just dreaming dreams that were so far out there that people looked at him in an awkward manner. But: calculating dreams
precise dreams
demanding dreams
life-altering dreams
Dreams that could be achieved through hard work, determination and a faith in God that could move mountains.
Dreams that were contagious
Dreams that were infectious
Dreams that caused others like you and me to dream even bigger reams.

He was a dreamer. A dreamer who kept on dreaming because it seemed that as soon as a dream was birthed in his spirit, it became reality sooner rather than later.

He dreamed as a child…of life beyond his single parent home and the poverty he experienced from an early age.

He dreamed as a young man…to cease the patter which had plagued his childhood by becoming the type of husband, father and faithful caretaker of his mother so many of us read about in story books.

And as a man…he dreamed of making an indelible mark, by giving his very best, in everything he put his hand to.

But what was so amazing about Frank’s ability to dream big dreams was the fact that he was able to keep his feet firmly planted upon the ground. He was a man “able to walk with kings, yet never lose the common touch.” Anyone who knew him knew him as a humble man and this was because Frank Clayton was a man who was planted.

The psalmist writes, “He is like a tree, planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers” (Ps. 1:3).

Frank was a man planted by streams of water. To be planted beside the source of water in this verse of scripture is referring to openness to God and God’s dreams for our lives. It is deep rootedness in the proper ground that allows the tree to withstand drought and to always bear fruit. Frank was always “Fantastic” not just because he said so, but because even in trying times his roots ran deep and he was never without a source to sustain his life. He was not just dependant upon the rains above, but made sure that he was planted solidly, deeply, firmly, in the things which could nurture him form the root.

Frank was a man firmly planted in his family:

Mom, from the very moment Dad laid eyes on you, he knew that you would be life giving for him. You made Frank want to be a better man. He found in you, and you in him, a soul mate – a life partner. And he planted himself beside you as a best friend and lover for over 37 years. You and Frank traveled many roads, hills and valleys together and he never let go of your hand…not for one minute. And though he is not physically present beside you today, he is still holding your hand. He will continue to walk with you if you let him life and thrive in your heart.

Lindsay, you and I know that from the moment Dad laid eyes on each of us that he planted himself deeply in the responsibly of fatherhood. Dad sought to give us so many of the things he never had: a loving and stable environment and the best education. Lindsay, he was the father who carried you when you could not walk. And he was the father who never allowed us to quite when times got tough. And thought we disliked this quality about him at the time, we will forever hear him in our hearts urging us to keep going even when the road becomes unbearable.

Dad and I talked quite a bit over the summer about his passing and more in the last week. He wanted me to tell you Sharon and Lindsay that Dad doesn’t plan on missing anything if you keep him alive in your heart. “I’ll never miss a Christmas. I’ll never miss a Thanksgiving, If you keep me alive in your heart. I’ll never miss a birthday or an Easter program if you keep me alive in your heart. Never miss a child being born or an Anniversary, a Mother’s Day or a Father’s Day, a family meal or a family vacation if you keep me alive in your heart. I want to keep living” he said “in the hearts of those I love and if you let me live there, I won’t miss a thing!”

Ronald, he planted himself by you and your mother. Frank sought to do his very bet to provide for Eloise and keep lines of communication open between you and him. In fact, this week Ronald, Dad with tears in his eyes, said that you were one of the best blessings to come out of his sickness. “I always wanted to be close to my brother,” he said “and this illness has allowed my prayers to be answered.”

Frank was also a man firmly planted by his friends:

So many of you testified over the past weeks what an amazing friend Frank was to you. That it was Frank who gave you a chance when no one else would.

It was Frank, Cecil, who paid you even when you were out sick a whole month also that you might feed your family.

It was Frank, Ramona, who let you keep family first as a you were trying to find your way as a young woman with child.

It was Frank, Tom, who encouraged you thorough your health challenges even when he was facing his own.

It was Frank, Barona brothers, who extended you credit to make your dreams reality.

It was Frank, Damon, who believed in you when you didn’t even believe in yourself.

And there are countless others of you, who are assembled here today, who testify to the man that Frank Clayton was. That he, at some point in your life, was deeply invested in your well being. That he, at just he right moment, planted himself beside you.

But the truth of the matter is that the reason why Frank was such a good family man and friend was because he was deeply rooted and planted in a “Fantastic Faith!” To have faith in general can be a difficult task, especially in times like these, but to have “Fantastic Faith” is to have a faith that is unbelievable. Frank’s attitude was always positive because his faith was always fantastic. Even in his final days when he could not articulate many words, “fantastic” remained ingrained in Frank’s vocabulary.

“Fantastic Faith” is what set him apart:

A faith that trusted God to make him a better husband and a better father

Faith that trusted God to bring him through poverty and a single parent home

Faith that trusted God to work from the bottom up

A faith that trusted God to open Central Electric Supply Company and a faith that held him close when Central Electric closed its doors

Faith that helped him remain “your realtor for life,” even when the market was failing

Faith in God even in the midst of sickness that would break most men

A faith in God to always have a better tomorrow

Faith to make it beyond in trial or tribulation

Faith to count his blessings and not his burdens

A Faith that could move mountains

faith that God is bigger than any problem

And a faith to trust God in the life and in his eternal rest.

Frank had a “Fantastic Faith” in Jesus Christ his savior…that Jesus would see him through. And when you think about it, that’s just what Jesus did. Jesus saw Frank through with safe passage into eternal life. He is now with “the great cloud of witnesses” because of his “Fantastic Faith” in Jesus. Jesus saw him through because no more is he fighting disease in his body but moving freely in the heaven’s walking those streets of God.

So the question is then…What are YOU planted in?

Are you planted in things which are life giving?

Are you planted in “Fantastic Faith?”

Because if you knew Frank and you are planted in fantastic faith then you know what he expects of us? He expects us to finish out verse 3…Let us “Yield fruit in season, let our leaves not wither and whatever we do prosper.”

If you want to honor God and honor Frank then plant yourself in fantastic faith.

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” …”He will wipe every tear from your eyes” (Rev. 21:4)

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” … “He will turn your mourning into dancing” (Ps. 30:11)

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” … and “He will carry your burdens” (Ps 68:19)

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” … and “He will give power to the exhausted and strength to the weak.” (Isa. 40:29)

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” … and “He will heal your broken heart and mend all your wounds.” (Ps.147:3)

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” … and remember that “weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.” (Ps. 30:5)

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” he will turn your tears into testimonies and your moans into meaningful memories.

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” he will turn your sadness into success, your misery into masterful melodies and your grief into gratitude.

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” he will turn your frustration into fortune, your pain into praise and your longing into laughing.

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” you will receive new seeds for the journey, Sharon, and new fruit for the road, Lindsay.

If you plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” whatever you do will prosper.

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” and watch how laughter will return, new beginnings will rest upon the horizon and new chapters of untold worlds revealed.

Plant yourself in “Fantastic Faith” Sharon and you will run and not grow weary.

Plant yourself fin “Fantastic Faith” Lindsay and you will walk and not faith.

And I will plant myself in “Fantastic Faith” and mount upon wings like eagles.

Plant yourself, plant yourself, plant yourself….

Honor Frank’s legacy and life by planting yourself in the life giving gifts of this world…Family…Friends…but most of all “Fantastic Faith!”

Humm.

2008-09-25T09:00:00.002-04:00

As I reflect on the people I call "mentors" in my life I found this insightful and helpful. As I think of the people who as me to mentor them it is a helpful guide as well.

How Do You Define Good Mentoring?
Compiled from the Pre-Workshop Assessment for the
FTE Doctoral Programs Alumni Mentoring Workshop
June 12-13, 2008

• “A good mentor is a person who models with his/her own life and work desired qualities. In addition, the mentor makes him/her self available to others through personal contact and e-mail in a timely manner.”

• “Good mentoring begins with empathy for the mentee and demands humility of the mentor. Mentoring is providing a model picture of professional guidance for a dream chaser.”

• A good mentor is “a person who knows you.”

• “concern for the whole person- advising, guiding, and serving as a role model, not just professionally but in one’s entire life”

• “one who understands and keenly negotiates the balance between development of individuals , in relation to self actualization/ authenticity, autonomy (independence)/interdependence, and nurturing/ controlling. Good mentoring is holistic and takes into account the development of both parties”

• “Good mentoring is being intentional in fostering the development of another human being”

• “balanced relationship between individuals that is beneficial for all parties involved. It includes constructive self reflection/ critique and open communication, takes seriously the needs, expectations and goals of all parties involved (and communicates those needs, expectations and goals); and can accommodate the fluid nature of change in the relationship.”

• “Good mentoring occurs when the mentor and the mentee have a relationship based on honest assessment of the mentee’s work and professional development and personal, spiritual growth. Here the boundaries are made clear and the mentor is invested in the vision of the mentees vision and voice as a scholar in their own right.”

• “helping an individual identify their strengths and weaknesses and respond appropriately as they know themselves better”

• “Good mentoring on the part of the mentor involves identifying the mean between excess and deficiency in matters such as: aloofness and intimacy, critique and affirmation, and confidence and vulnerability. Too much of the former- aloofness, critique and confidence- may cause a protégé to view the mentor as overly pedantic, paternalistic and/or imperious. Too much of the latter- intimacy, affirmation, and vulnerability- can make a mentor come across as incontinent, uncritical, and unconfident.”

• “Good mentoring is marked by mutual learning; shared vision and honest feedback. It functions best in an apprenticeship paradigm where best practices are modeled, analyzed and critiqued.”

What are you doing?

2008-09-05T00:02:00.005-04:00

Martin Luther King Jr was right when he said "A social movement that only moves people is merely a revolt. A movement that changes both people and institutions is a revolution." I am ready for a revolution because I am sick of revolt.

So the question I'm asking is "What are you doing" to bring about revoluton.

Things that make you go humm......

2008-08-28T20:56:00.003-04:00

So yesterday I was driving through Starbucks and there was a van in front of me. On the van was a bumper sticker. It read: God is Pro-Life. However, as I examined the license plate of this very same van it said I am a war veteran from the Armed Forces. In other words the man in the car in front of me had fought in the wars of past.

Things that make you go humm....

So many Republicans (it’s my assumption this Joe was) are Pro-Life and often they are military patriots’ as well. How can one be Pro-Life and Pro-war.

Things that make you go humm....
How can one say...the life of a child should be preserved...but then strap up with armor and go off to war and kill others from around the world.

Things that make you go humm...

I think this "Joe" needs to rethink what he stands for.

hum....

Back to Political Basics - Something Inside So Strong

2008-07-02T09:13:00.004-04:00

So I have spent a great deal of time this week at the Children's Defense Fund's Freedom School here at Olivet Institutional Baptist Church in Cleveland. What a wonderful program that believes in children, who often don't belive in themselves.

In my time with them this week they children sang this wonderful song "Something Inside So Strong" by Labi Siffre. The song was inspired by at TV documentary Siffre viewed in 1985, in which a white soldier was seen shooting at black children. Appalled, Siffre penned the song as an anti-Apartheid anthem. In this song he advises Africans to stand tall in the face of adversity.

Today, in this world of injustice, where so many of us are still judge by the color of our skin and not by the content of our character, we need to stand tall. It is our faith which carried us across the seas as we were packed in boats. It is our faith which helped us to endure the whip and lash. It is our faith which helped to stand before water hoses and barking dogs. Today, deeply rooted in our faith, we must continue to stand in the face of adversity and injustice until we remember our nations governmental call in OUR Decleration of Indepedance...

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."
~ Decleration of Independance

Something Inside So Strong by Labi Siffre

The higher you build your barriers
The taller I become
The farther you take my rights away
The faster I will run
You can deny me
You can decide to turn your face away
No matter, cos there's....

(Chorus)
Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

The more you refuse to hear my voice
The louder I will sing
You hide behind walls of Jericho
Your lies will come tumbling
Deny my place in time
You squander wealth that's mine
My light will shine so brightly
It will blind you
Cos there's......

(Chorus)
Something inside so strong
I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong
Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just not good enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway

Something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me wrong, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong
Brothers and sisters
When they insist we're just good not enough
When we know better
Just look 'em in the eyes and say
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway
I'm gonna do it anyway

Because there's something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong
Because there's something inside so strong
And I know that I can make it
Tho' you're doing me, so wrong
You thought that my pride was gone
Oh no, something inside so strong
Oh oh oh oh oh something inside so strong

And I Am Planted From Darkness To Light

2008-04-25T02:38:00.002-04:00

And I Am Planted From Dark to Light
By Courtney L. Clayton

I began my birthing planted deep down in the darkness of a rich black existence.
I do not understand fully how I came to be, for I was planted by the hands of the other tall trees around me.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.

My roots were planted long before the gift inside met the giftedness on the other side.
Surrounded by darkness and feeling suffocated, the rain poured down nearly drowning me in the darkness that nurtured me even when I knew not what it all meant.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay
Here is where I will grow

When I began to embrace the darkness is when the light found me.
The light found a way to shine through segments of the darkness and each time the light shined in the midst of darkness I was strengthened to grow.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.

Amidst the darkness, the rain and the bits of light my feet became fixed in this rich blackness.
I began to grow…grow because the rain made me stronger, the light fed the greatness which resided within and the blackness allowed me to appreciate the light.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.
Here is where I will emerge.

I was not certain if the darkness would drown me or if I would ever reach the fullness of light.
I fought for the light…I was afraid of it…the darkness become comfortable but if I could embrace the light consistently in my life I knew that what was on the inside would come out.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.
Here is where I will emerge.
Here is where I will burst forth.

I moved closer and closer to the light and it was painful at first.
Like a child teething, what was good for me hurt in the midst while the rain kept pouring, my legs grew longer planting my feet deeper in the darkness.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.
Here is where I will emerge.
Here is where I will envision.

What was on the inside began to break the surface and I began to see life anew.
While the darkness was beneath me, anchoring me in the rich black soil, it was the light that now surrounded me and called me forth.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.
Here is where I will emerge.
Here is where I will envision.
Here is where I embraced.

As I looked around I was surrounded by the tall oaks of the forest floor.
Was I to become one of these? Was I called from the darkness to the light be a towering oak who would become an example the oaks comes from a tiny seed planted in darkness.
Yet, I was planted here.
Here is where I belong.
Here is where I will stay.
Here is where I will grow
Here is where I will produce.
Here is where I will emerge.
Here is where I will envision.
Here is where I embraced.
Here is where I overcame

And Here I am
And Here is where I was planted
And Here is where I belong
And here is where I will stay.
And here is where I will grow
And here is where I will produce
And here is hwere I will emerge
And here is where I will envision
And here is where I embraced
And here is where I overcame…fear!

I am planted in darkness, but called to the light.

And I AM here

© 2008

2008-03-28T10:38:00.001-04:00

My Email to Weekends@cnn.com

2008-03-23T23:03:00.001-04:00

Greetings,

My I start by saying that your question is framed in such a way that causes an attack on an area of theology that is taught in seminaries and divinity schools all around the country. Liberation theology is an approved area of study by the Association of Theological School (ATS).

My I state that courses are taught in Liberation theology (Black, Latino/a, Asian, Gay etc.) and classes are filled with students who are not just minorities or even heterosexuals. In fact in my James Cone course, the father of Black Theology, there were more white students present in the course who was taught by a white female faculty member who supports Black Liberation theology, then African American students.

The reason why liberation theology exists in areas according to racial/ethnic groups is because many agree that theology has historically been done from the perspectives of whites at the center. When theology is done with whites at the center, it has pushed minorities to the margin (Black, Latino/a, Asian, homosexual, poor, etc.). Therefore each racial/ethnic group has developed a theology that places their history and social standing at the center of the gospel.

As a result, I would argue that Liberation Theology in general, and Black Liberation Theology in particular, have been helpful to minority groups who attempt to identify with Christianity and their marginalized status in American society.
I would encourage CNN to have an interview with Dr. James Cone, the father of Black Theology and reach out to others Liberation Theologies such as Luis N. Rivera-Pagán for Latino/a Theology and Jung Young Lee for Asian American Liberation Theology.

Called For the Purpose of the Kingdom,

Courtney L. Clayton
Princeton Theological Seminary
Master of Divinity Candidate

It Hard Out Here For A Prophet!

2008-03-20T01:09:00.001-04:00

I know…I know I have plenty of work to be doing tonight for this final semester of seminary and it is Holy Week, but this has been on my mind all day.

My thoughts have been sparked by the recent controversy surrounding Barak Obama and Rev. Jeremiah A. Wright. I find the attack on both Obama and Wright disheartening and out of context. Never in American politics has a presidential candidates pastor been at the center of such controversy.

-Why is it fine for those running for political office to prance into our Black Churches during the elections season and we see them no more until re-election time?

-Why do this same political leaders show up in our churches, when they seek to enforce a separation of Church and State (when considering 501(c)3 status) but not attend our churches during any other time of year and refuse our invitations to come to the community prayer vigil for poverty and police brutality?

- It is George Bush, isn’t it, who has publicly professed on numerous occasions that he speaks personally with God on how Americans should attack foreign nations? Does he even have a pastor?

-Why is it that with all that the Black Church has endured throughout American history that now the media has tried to take 30 years of prophetic preaching and condense it down to a 30 second sound bite?

Might I place these questions alongside what I see as the arrogance of America. This "above all others" mentality has caused me great pain. Why is it that this nation feels as though it is above critique in general and prophetic critique in particular? What is it that causes us to invade others and teach them "civilized" ways of living (colonization) and think we have no work to do here on our own soil? What is it about our nation that makes us sing "God Bless America" and America only?

***Jeremiah Wright said “the Government gives us the drugs, builds bigger
prisons, passes a three strike law and then wants us to sing God bless
America. No, No! Not God bless America. God damn
America. That’s in the Bible. (THE MEDIA ALWAYS STOPS THE SERMON
HERE…BUT WRIGHT CONTINUES) For killing innocent people: God damn America.
For treating senior citizens as less than humane: God damn America. For
sending off young men and women to die in a war that nobody understand: God damn
America.” ***

It is hard out here for a prophet.

Part of the notion is due to folks like (dare I say it) Prophetess Juanita Bynum and Prophet/Bishop E. Bernard Jordan. They have taken the name prophet and have sought to use it for “profit,” and the result of this causes a distortion in meaning. While folks come running to these prophetesses and prophets asking when will my financial breakthrough come, is my husband on the way or was the doctor wrong in his medical diagnosis, the prophets of old critiqued the government and sought to challenge the injustice taking place in society. Such biblical prophets as Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos, Obadiah, Zephaniah, Haggai and John the Baptist spoke to the nations regarding social injustice and God’s displeased nature because of social sin.

Yet, the most prophetic of all biblical prophets was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He has not been (at least for me) a submissive/passive Savior. No, No! Jesus has gone to the margins, critiqued the Sanhedrin and attended to the least of these. His prophetic ministry was to completely reconstruct the social and religious arrogance which was plaguing society. This is the in-braking of the Kingdom Jesus spoke of (Shout out to Dr. Blount here)

What more has prophetic preaching in American done than follow the example of Jesus? Wright and so many others, despite the arrogance of this nation, have spoke “truth to power” and called out American publicly on it treatment towards the least of these. To be prophetic is a portion of our Christian responsibility!

Yet and still, it’s hard out here for a prophet!

Even our Lord and Savior Jesus demonstrate this. On this Holy Week we are reminded that for his critique of the social government that our Savior was crucified. The government sought to bury him, his message and prevent his political movement from going forward.

This is what the media is seeking to do today. When American stand on the brink of something new, something contagious, something that could bring forth positive change and reconstruction, the media assists in trying to crucify Wright, Obama and dare I say the future of this nation.

Yet, there is hope! Because despite the attempts to kill our Lord and Savior we are reminded that Christ entered death but returned triumphant. That the battle was won and the tomb could not hold him.

Obama, my prayer for you is that of the old Negro Spiritual, “Guide my feet, while I run this race…for I don’t want to run this race in vain.”

Wright, my prayer for you is also found in an old Negro Spiritual, “I've seen the lightening flash, I've heard the thunder roll, I've felt sin breakers dashing trying to conquer my soul. But I heard the voice of Jesus saying still to fight on. He promised never to leave, never to leave me alone. No, never alone, no never alone, He promised never to leave me alone, He'll claim me for his own…He promised never to leave me, never to leave me alone."
Yes, it is hard out here for a prophet, but somebody’s got to do it.

Sign me up!

A moment of reflection

2007-10-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

As I am in the very midst of my senior year at PTS so many things are happening. I am (yes its true) working 7 jobs, taking 15 credit hours, trying to apply for positions after graduating, preparing to move to NYC in May as a wife, planning a wedding and trying to have some self care. Yet, in the midst of it all I see God moving and I am grateful. And while on some days I swear I’m doing too much I do have peace with the business of my life and know that it is only preparing me to balance fulltime ministry, wife-ery (is that a word) and motherhood (while far off is still a hope for the future)

How faithful and wonderful is the God the we serve. I realize so much, as I reflect on the past several years, how God has been working so many things out for my good and for His glory. You know, in the midst of several different painful experiences over my life I have searched to see a glimmer of light in the midst of darkness. I have always known that God has been there but seeing some glimpse of His presence has not always been the case.

Yet, somehow we come to a place at certain moments in our lives where the things that have been said to us and about us have made us stronger. The people who have left us stranded on the side of the road have made room for new walking partners on the road of life. The moments of deep despair have given us a deeper sense of faith in God and more patience to wait and trust.

I am eternally grateful to the God I serve for not just loving me unconditionally but sending so many people in my life who love me just the same. Thank you to God for this gift.

I’m on my way somewhere…where I know not all the details…but I am excited to go in faith…in service to the God who loves me and has called me out…in relationship with life partner…and in friendship with one who has only lifted me up higher to the savior.

Love and peace,
CLC

Choosing to Cease the Cycle: Divine Deliverance Can Be Yours

2007-09-13T14:56:00.000-04:00

Any doctor will tell you that it is important to be aware of the diseases and cancers that run in your family bloodline. Just as you desire to know your family medical history, have you noticed any dysfunctional cycles that have gone on in your family from generation to generation?

Within the context of the church we refer to these cycles as generational curses. I would define a generational curse as a destructive and/or dysfunctional pattern of behaviors whose oppressive practices are passed down from one generation to the next. Weather conscious our subconscious, generational curses are learned behaviors.

What is important is that you take the time to identify those destructive behaviors that have plagued your family line. Traditionally, generational curses can come in the form of abuse: physical, sexual or substance. However, once we have considered these traditional avenues, we must go a step further. What about mismanagement finances? Broken marriages? Absent fathers?

Exploring generational curses often require us to face our past. This is why most people do not want to acknowledge the repeated behaviors that have prevented their family from prospering. Yet, naming the generational curse and facing it helps us to access divine deliverance.

When we begin to acknowledge our generational curses we have the opportunity to move from the path of victim to the road of victor. God desires for us to stop the cycle of destructive behavior. Yet, we must choose to overcome. Generational curses may derive from our family lineage but deliverance and healing come straight from the Lord.

When we chose to take back our life by ceasing these cycles of destructive behavior there are three steps we should take to begin the process of divine deliverance:

Talk with a counselor: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). When we chose to acknowledge these dysfunctional patters we stand ready to be sharpened. Getting help from a trained professional will help you to address the generational curse in your past, explore how it is effecting your present, and help you to stop its power in the future.

Renew your mind: “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2). One of the best ways to renew your mind is by focusing on your prayer life. Prayer is our time to lay out our concerns before God and listen to God’s response. When we spend time with the Lord we learn that God does not desire to harm us but rather to give us hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). When we begin to understand that God wants the very best for us, we stand ready to receive divine deliverance.

Prepare your mind for action: “Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance (1 Peter 1:13-14). Now that you are aware of your generational curses, and your mind stands renewed, you are ready to practice self control and make the right choices that lead you toward God’s purpose and plan for your life. Deliverance comes when we consciously make choices that break the cycle and teach our children a new way of living.

(To be published in the November 2007 issue of Black Health Magazine)

Passing through the middle

2007-05-10T11:26:00.001-04:00

Southgate Tube Station
Originally uploaded by MarkusGW.

Here I am...finishing up the last paper of my middler year. My how time flies. I must say that after 2 years I am ready to go. BUT that is not my story. One more year to go for this here M.Div. Pray with me now that God is lining this job up for after graduation.

I have read, I have written, I have....I have...

I Love Being In Love

2007-04-30T01:11:00.000-04:00

Nuff Said!

I didn't vote for this...

2007-03-19T22:09:00.000-04:00

I have been, for quite some time, increasingly irritated by how the media believes that whatever the Revs. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson say represents the Black community. I'm sorry but I don't remember voting for either of these two individuals to represent me on the television, radio or any other form of public opinion.

I respect the fact that these two gentlemen have a rich history within and among the black community during the civil rights movement. But I almost ask myself, how are they being effective today. It appears there wherever a camera turns up they come. But what about the single mother working 2 jobs to support her children. No camera comes to her home...so Al and Jesse don't come either. I am disturbed because I didn't vote for them.

In closing, we joke here at the seminary, but with some layers of truth...that if ever we find ourselves in a dilemma we would rather fend for ourselves then be represented by these two.

Can I get an amen?

Organized Religion

2007-03-19T22:07:00.000-04:00

Cory and I

2007-03-07T22:30:00.000-05:00

Cool Slideshows

Check out my Slide Show!

2007-03-07T22:25:00.001-05:00

A Letter To Camille

2007-03-05T12:14:00.000-05:00

“A Letter to Camille”
Esther 1:10-22

Dear Camille,

I am certain this letter reaches you in the presence of our Lord. As of now, you have not yet arrived. In fact, I am quite certain that you have not even left the place where you reside now to travel here. However, I must admit to you that the idea of you not leaving yet is comforting to me; it is probably for the best. The truth is I am not yet ready to receive you. There is much to do here in order to prepare for your arrival. There is so much I am working to fix and cleaning that must take place. However, I will be working diligently on such things until you come. It is my prayer that by the time you arrive, this place will be in much better condition. This is perhaps onfe of the reasons why I am attempting to send you some type of correspondence before you leave.

Yet, when you do arrive there will be much for us to see and do. It is my hope that we do not remain locally though. I hope to take you to my hometown of Cleveland and show you the park where I played as a child, the ice-cream parlor where I held my first job and the family and friends who have supported me throughout life’s journey.

It is my prayer that time will permit us to travel to Atlanta, Georgia to view my alma mater. Attending Spelman College, a historically Black women’s college, was perhaps one of the most empowering experiences of my life as a young woman trying to find her way. I learned a great deal about myself. It is my hope that if you ever consider going to college that you too consider Spelman for its rich legacy of educating and empowering African American women for excellence.

My time at Spelman helped me to appreciate the women whom God has placed in my life. These women have been integral in public and private formation. I hope to be able to introduce you to many of these women when you arrive. There will be my own mother, with whom I am certain you will establish a special bond. I hear her words each morning when I rise: “Courtney, I have raised you to be a respectable and productive woman within society.”

There will be my mentor Dr. Yvonne Delk. She has helped to guide me and has been a well of wisdom for me as the first African-American woman ordained within the United Church of Christ in 1974.

You will have to meet Mrs. Carrie Hanson, who has been integral during my studies here at Princeton. You must hear the story of how her father marched her down to the elections office, when blacks were disenfranchised, and paid the necessary poll taxes so that she could vote in the upcoming election.

There is Dr. Cynthia Hale, the only person I call my pastor and mother in ministry, who helped to ignite my love for the Lord. It was Dr. Hale who helped me to see what the Lord could do with me if I placed my life in God’s hands. I am certain in your interactions with her you too will become passionate about the transformative passion of our God.

There are countless other women I must introduce you to. “These are women who, like the yeast, continue to rise from the injustices of their past to claim their names, their identities, their authority and their passion for ministry.”[1] I am certain they will be as profound in your life as they have been in mine.

Yet, speaking of these women has reminded me of the many women of the Bible whose stories have truly inspired me. When you arrive I will have to tell you about Miriam, who led the Israelite women to dance before God when they were freed them from the bondages of slavery; or the story of Deborah the prophetess who led Israel into battle; or the woman with the issue of blood who had enough faith to reach out for her healing; or the woman with the alabaster box who performed a good service in the eyes of Jesus.

One woman of the bible, Vashti, has been inspiring me for many years as I have sought to navigate the hills and valleys of this world. While her voice has been vilified, the story tells that Vashti was called by her husband, who was drunk at the time, to appear before him and his friends wearing her royal crown. Wearing, only her royal crown. He wanted to display Vashti naked before his friends. But Vashti refused to appear. I am moved by Vashti’s denial of the king’s request because she sought not to objectify herself. She risked everything to stand for what she believed in. She cared not about the opinions of others and rejected his request, because it would only degrade her self-worth. Unfortunately, the spirit of Vashti is lacking among the women of today.

How my heart aches when I see the women of my generation treating their bodies with such contempt. Often times when I turn on the television I am plagued by young women whose half-naked bodies are exploited in music videos. But there are also other women who are, ironically called models, starving themselves to fit an image that is not natural. At the risk of their own health, many women of today are starving their bodies to match what they see in magazines ads and television commercials. Both of these images have negatively influenced the young women I see daily. I see them consistently attempting to parade or change the gift that God gave—their bodies.

How I hope you will not be influenced by such degradation and objectification when you arrive. A man who loves you would never make such a request like the King did of Vashti. I hope that you will have the same conviction, strength and courage as she did. Camille, I hope that you will stand for what you believe in. I hope that you will be an example to women everywhere and understand that a man never defines you, only enhances you.

I pray that when a challenging request arises in your life, like the one made of Vashti, that you will remember your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that the Spirit lives in you.[2] And when your position is at stake, be it publicly or privately, it is my prayer that you will remember that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate [you] from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”[3]

It is my hope that when you arrive you will also be able to experience the unconditional love I have for you. The love in my heart for you, has been growing for quite some time and I cannot wait to share with you this world in which I live.

One scripture I would love for you to hide in your heart is found in Psalm 139. The psalmist writes, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.”

Perhaps the reason why this scripture is so important to me is because of you, Camille. It is because I have not yet met you. It is because I have not yet physically conceived you in my womb, nor labored on the hospital bed. But I do carry you in my heart. You, Camille, are my unborn daughter.

The truth Camille is that I had to write you before you arrived because I realize that while women have come a long way, I am consumed by the conditions you will most likely face when you arrive. The current state of our nation, and even our word, seem to remind me of the same conditions Vashti faced—a society intoxicated with misogyny, materials and dare I say mayhem.

Yet, this letter has been written to you daughter to remind you of the strength the Holy Spirit will provide to you in times of challenge. May you always remember that you have the ability to stand firm, because Jesus stood firm for you at Calvary. Let nothing move you when others discourage you from the calling of God upon your life, because Jesus never let the cup assigned to him pass but rather prayed for the strength to see it through. And may you never loose faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, who declared that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to the mountains in your life move from here to there” and it will move. Remember Camille, Nothing, absolutely nothing, is impossible for you.[4]

So until you arrive, Camille, I will be waiting in eager expectation for you. Praying that your arrival is safe, sound and in good health. Just know that in the meantime I am still working on cleaning up this place, fixing up this world—trying to make it a better place for you, than it was for me. I love you, Camille. Already, you are my hope and my hearts desire.

Stand strong daughter, for you—like Vashti—will impact nations. I just know it!

Loving you in advance,

Mommy

_______
[1] Unknown. National African American Clergy Women Oral History Project. http://www.manrilla.net/naacw/oralhistory_naacw/
[2] 1 Corinthians 3:16
[3] Romans 8:38-39
[4] Matthew 17:20

I know...I know

2007-01-22T04:29:00.000-05:00

Its been forever since I was on here. I was taking 18 credit hours. You got to know only the Lord brought me through. I am taking a much lighter load this upcoming semester so I hope to be on here much more. We'll just wanted to say "I'm not deadd" because the Lord raises us when we fell like there is nothing less. (That'll preach).

"In and Out of Time" By Maya Angelou (AKA This is how Courtney Feels)

2006-11-25T17:49:00.000-05:00

The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance...
our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out of time.
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun
and the first tree struggled up from the forest floor
I had always loved you more.
You freed your braids...
gave your hair to the breeze.
It hummed like a hive of honey bees.
I reached in the mass for the sweet honey comb there....
Mmmm...God how I love your hair.
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.
I screamed to the heavens....loudly screamed....
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams...
The sun has come.
The mist has gone.
We see in the distance our long way home.
I was always yours to have.
You were always mine.
We have loved each other in and out
in and out
in and out
of time.

Video Presentation for Kingdom of God

2006-11-23T18:37:00.000-05:00

It's Just me...

2006-11-05T17:17:00.000-05:00

A Legacy Of...

2006-10-27T01:42:00.000-04:00

Churches...believe it or not

2006-10-24T20:41:00.000-04:00

Field Ed. Chronicles 1.1

2006-10-24T15:17:00.000-04:00

So I am doing my Field Education Experience an AME Church in Newark, NJ. It is a very dynamic ministry. There will be plenty of time for that. Anyway…they have started a second location. It has been a blessing to me for several reasons but I would like to share one in particular. I have been humbled. While I love the big name, great, preachers (if you will) who have these deep revelations and can explain their revelations of deep knowledge. However, since this location is focusing on teaching and preaching I have come to appreciate the value of simple messages where everything you need is right there, visibly on the page. We young preachers feel we need to strive to be deep but really God’s people just want a Word. In truth some of the big preaches have simple message but they package them with deep complex knowledge (or so it appears). There is value, especially for us new preachers, to work on giving a simple word, and giving it well. Thanks for the knowledge!

P.S. If you master preaching the simple messages then perhaps God can moved you to a deeper seat of revelation. But for now, I’ll work on just letting God work on my prophetic gift.

I Think...Part I

2006-10-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

So I want to start this space on my blog for these random thoughts that I have in my head. And "I Think" is the perfect name for these moments. So here we go...

I think that the way African American women age is a BEAUTIFUL THING. I see elderly African American women who have worked for what they have believed in, fought for what was right and stood as strong pillars of faith for their commuinty, family and nation is worth looking up to. And I hope that I age with the same character as these women. And that is what I Think.

Tavis and James

2006-10-17T03:47:00.000-04:00

Tavis Smiley: Do you believe that the black church has become too political? Has the church gotten away from its primary mission?

James Cone: Thank you very much. I’m please to be here just like everybody else. I am pleased that you asked me a question about whether the black church is too political. Of course it all depends on what you mean by politics and in what way you mean that. I think that one thing that we, the black church, to ask itself is what is its mission. I think that one of the things the black church has lost is a good understanding of its mission. Black church is good at preaching, good at singing, good at a lot of things but the black church has not been as good about thinking about what its nature is and what its mission is. Is its mission primarily saving souls or is it savings saving bodies or is it both together. I think if you see them both together you would have to see that the black church has to be political because politics is a part of life. It also has to be concerned about saving souls because full meaning in life is not simply found in politics. So I would want to emphasize this particular point here: is that if the black church ahs one problem that I think it needs to think about it is the problem of whether or not it is called to save its own life or if it is called to lose its life for the sake of other. I feel that the black church is concerned with savings its own life because it is so interested in the gospel of success. The gospel of Jesus is not a gospel of success. The gospel of Jesus is a gospel of ultimate success through failure. It’s a gospel of ultimate success through obvious failure. That is why the cross is at the center of the gospel. The cross is not a gospel of success. Jesus did not succeed. He failed. But God took that failure and transformed that failure into success. Now it is very important that when you talk about ultimate success it is not so obvious because the resurrection was not obvious. The tomb was empty but yet noting was there. I feel today with such much focusing on building buildings and all the other humongous things we do that we fail to see that the cross is at the heart of what the black church ought to be about. It was not very difficult for the black church to see that in the time in which it was born because being a slave church was not success it was obvious failure. Now the problem is that the church has lost its legacy. It has lost its message. And when success becomes the focuses of [the black church], it looses its mission and it looses its message. I would like to see the church not be so concerned about its success but much more concerned about a kind of success through failure; and where its failure is at the heart of faith. I would want to put my emphasis there. I am concern that the church doesn’t get too concerned about its own survival because Jesus said, ‘people who seek to save there life shall lose it, but if you lose your life for the sake of the least of these then you will find your life.’

________________________________________________

Tavis Smiley: James Cone…relative to its service, how do we critically evaluate the success, or lack there of, of the black church.

James Cone: The black church, I think, does not get a good grade if we use the standard that my college Rev. Forbes indicated, that is a kind of transcendence standard. Now I think that it gets a good grade if we use the standards that presides by the world. We are fairly successful! Especially when you consider from which we have come: out of slavery, out of segregation, out of the civil rights movement. Many of us have moved into places that we thought were never possible. So, many of us, have a kind of obvious success. We do! And I think that we get confused with that successful. I think we have a lot of spirit in our churches. I’m just not sure whose spirit it is. And maybe that’s why thinking is so low in our churches. I think the black church is very good at producing people who can proclaim, who can preach who can really entertain. And we have done that well. In fact, I think it would be fair to say, we have produced the greatest preachers in the world. That is, we have produced people who can really say the word. Their word. But what we have not done is really helped out people to know what the gospel is. To think on it! To reflect on it! And to be able to understand what challenges this gospel places before us in the world in which we live. The world not easy to understand; with all the list of problems that you indicated. We need a thinking church. We don’t only need a praying church, I’m for that. But I am also for a thinking church. Because told us to love God with our heart, soul and mind. Don’t forget about the mind now. WE have got to love God with our minds. I don’t like it when we denigrate the mind. You see theology is loving God with your mind. And I think if we can get the collection of us together, like on this stage, when were not on TV. But we are in a closed circle room where not body knows we are meting there and w get our minds together and we learn how to learn from each other. I think we would begin to make our way toward the solution of some of the problems that outlined before us today. My [thought] is that it is hard to get us together unless we are on stage.

Truth Be Told...I Was Wrong

2006-10-04T21:05:00.000-04:00

Truth be told…I had expected this year to be much easier then last. However, I think I was wrong. As opposed to the busy work and the exams the madness has simply shifted. I am taking a full credit load of 18 hours, plus working 10 hours each week at my Field Ed church, plus 10 hours as a professors research assistant, plus 4 hours in the seminary café. Lord have mercy. Yet, I must say that my prayer for self-discipline and time management may begin to break through this year. I realize that the life of a pastor is a busy one. I’ve known that from jump. But this is the time for me to work on effective time management skills. I am taking 6 courses which are averaging 100 pages a week. That means 600+ pages of reading. I think I’ll have cataracts by the time I graduate. LOL. Miss you…whoever you are. I am back in seminary land. To God be the glory!

My Summer at Capital Health System

2006-09-21T22:08:00.000-04:00

Introduction
     I found my way to Capital Health System (CHS) by way of two colleagues from the seminary who had engaged in a positive summer Field Education experience a few summers back. The reality of my situation is that I arrived here at the hospital certain that I was not called to be a chaplain. Knowing this, people would constantly ask me, “If you feel called to pastor a church then why are you investing your time in a hospital?”
     The answer to this question is a threefold response. First, my initial intension began with a desire to see ministry beyond the four wall of the church. Because I feel called to serve the church I desired to immerse myself in an environment of people who were in need. I figured, in spending time with people outside the four walls I could become more aware of peoples needs when there were away from the four walls of their church home.
     Secondly, I realized that people who come to the church have a desire to be there. However, no one wants to come to the hospital. Therefore, I wanted to know how do we, the modern day protestant church, reach and effectively minister to people who find themselves at a unique intersection of life—but more importantly at a place in life where they never wanted, thought of or even imagined.
     Lastly, I realized that after I had returned home from my initial interview with Chaplain Stephen Faller that I was, in fact, scared out of my mind to serve this population. I was completely overwhelmed by the many types of illnesses, challenges and even the joys that people faced. I have never been one to allow fear to stop me and I was not willing to begin this as a new track record. So I sought to take fear on. I sought to explore this fear, to embrace this fear but most importantly I decided that fear would not be allowed to control what God wanted to do with me and the patients at CHS.
     And so, my summer began with this threefold notion of action beyond the four walls, reaching those who were in the midst of trial, tribulation and theodicy and exploring the fear that desired to stop me. My summer was filled with structure and with freedom; joy and pain; birth and death. My experience here at CHS has opened the door to a new way of engaging.

Chaplaincy observations in Trenton, NJ
     My experience of chaplaincy this summer took place in Trenton, NJ. I was longing to participate in a ministry opportunity which comes along with being in an urban environment. I realized that an urban environment, like Trenton, could offer me a great deal of diversity. Moreover, I was looking for an experience that was contrary to my seminary environment of Princeton.
     A large portion of Trenton functions as the capital of New Jersey. This means that a certain group of persons who work in Trenton do not necessarily represent the population of those who reside in Trenton. In addition to the people who work as government employees, Trenton is also filled with large buildings that stand to represent the flow of government dollars at work for the people of New Jersey.
     When one removes those who work in Trenton but do not necessarily live in Trenton we find a very different picture. As of 2005 there are 75,944 persons who reside in the city of Trenton. Of the aforementioned population, 36,809 (47.5%) are African American, 24,377 (31.5%) are Caucasian and 16,285 (21%) are considered other minorities. While statistics from 2005 were not available regarding family income one can still grasp a feel for Trenton with household statistics from 2000. In 2000, Trenton had 17.6% of families and 21.1% of individuals qualify as below the poverty level. This means that approximately 38.7% of the city was considered unable to purchase all of the resources required for adequate living. I have mentioned these statistics because of a very important observation.
I realize that there is a diverse group of persons who come to receive medical care at CHS. In addition to persons from the local Trenton area, I noticed there were others from Ewing, Lawrenceville and additional surrounding townships. However, from working in the hospital and driving throughout Trenton this summer I noticed that there is a small middle class population. It was also evident, particularly in the areas immediately surround the hospital, that a class of people exists who fall below the poverty level. This low income community surrounding the hospital is predominantly African American. While the hospital does have some low-income patients in the hospital, I have noticed that there appears to be fewer low-income patients from Trenton then middle class patients from Trenton. Yet, this is ironic because it appears that there are far more low-income properties then middle class properties in Trenton.
     As an African American female this raises several thoughts for me. These thoughts are not only about race but also about the existence of a socio-economic divide. If one considers this divide then one might also observe what an interesting ratio there is between the numbers of African Americans working at CHS and the number of African American’s receiving care at CHS.
     This reflective thought was furthered as my supervisor had a theme for each week of our program. We were able to study numerous medical conditions this summer through a morning and afternoon didactic. On certain occasions a speaker would come to discuss with the weekly theme with us. One such week, we discussed diabetes and heart disease. During this time we learned that both of the aforementioned medical conditions were statistically higher in the African Americans population. However, I made an interesting observation. I noticed that while I saw more African American patients with diabetes in the hospital I did not see more African Americans in the Cardio Care Unit (CCU) of the hospital. Why then was there an inconsistency?
     I propose not that there is error in the medical statistic of heart disease but rather in affordable heath care. As I would walk the halls of CCU I would notice only about a third of the patients were African American. It interests me that the persons who are being treated for heart disease, in a predominantly black neighborhood, were in fact, not black. Furthermore, the people that I saw with diabetes were receiving care for conditions, which most confessed, could have been prevented by means of a health diet and/or regular visits to the doctor. Thus, I would contend in response, that the lower number of African Americans being served at CHS speaks to this socio-economic divide. The issue here, in my eyes, is affordable health care.
     During my first semester here at Princeton Seminary I took the course, “Ethics and Politics in the Black Community,” taught by Dr. Peter J. Paris. In this course we examined how African American leaders, from within the church and beyond, engaged in the fight for social justice.  As a result of this course, I was able to see more clearly the call of ministry beyond the four walls of the church. Additionally, I was able to hear the stories of those who found themselves in the challenging predicaments of life. Again, referencing my reasons for ministry at CHS, here I was able to engage my questions with reality. Here I was, able to reach members of the church beyond the four walls and able hear the stories of people who found themselves facing medical challenges.
     In the early 1900s we saw that Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. DuBois are best known for engaging in the fight for social justice by writing the pains of African Americans who were emerging from a life of slavery. Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. took on the civil rights movement during the 50s and 60s. Malcolm and Martin did not confine themselves to words writtzen on paper but rather lifted their voice and cried out to the segregation and degradation of African Americans. They stopped not at their voices, but organized marches, rallies and sit-ins to protest America’s treatment of “the negro.”
When one takes into account the African American leaders studied in the course “Ethics and Politics” and combines them with the socio-economic divide observed in Trenton, and in fact present throughout our nation, one must ask, “how do we engage this fight for social justice today?” The bible tells us, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”[1]  In my reflection upon this question and this biblical verse I wonder how we, ecclesial leaders of the Gospel, build upon the models of leadership which have gone before us, even as early as Christ’s example. Where should the energies of the modern day church go? Should the modern day church lobby our government for better health care or would the church be better served to simply provide better health care? This question has not a simple answer.
Let me be clear that while the issue presented is adequate health care, this is not the issue alone. For example, from my time in Trenton I have seen persons victimized by gang violence, women and children engaging in prostitution and many other social ills. The reality is that health care is just one of many unethical practices which are engaging our society. It is my plan to continue to engage this and other questions of Social Justice beyond my field education experience. One of the ways I plan to do this in the future will take place next semester. I will be taking two courses taught by Dr. Geddes Hanson that I believe will serve me in furthering this conversation. He will be teaching History of African American Denominations and Styles of Pastoral Leadership. It is my hope to be able to work with Dr. Hanson on merging these two courses in my practice of ministry to begin to establish my own theology of maneuvering the fight for social justice.
Some Elements of Effective Pastoral Care

Diversity
     When working in a hospital setting as Chaplain, one encounters diversity on a regular basis; especially when it comes to religion and spirituality. As I would go from room to room at the hospital I would never quite know the faith practices of the person I was getting ready to encounter. There were people of all different faiths who desired spiritual care and direction. There were patients who were Jewish, Catholic, Jehovah Witness, Buddhist and much more. In truth it was even difficult to serve protestant patients because there were such varying views and interpretations of Christ’s teaching. The diversity of the hospital had such a wide range that even as a women, I encountered patients who did and did not believe in women be called to ministry.
     However, I learned very quickly that faith practices are very important and very intimate. When I took the course Death and Dying last semester we learned about what people are thinking and expecting as they enter the hospital. For so many people, no matter how big or small, to come to the hospital is a major event in ones life. As a result of this time being so important in the lives of people and their families I believe that it is not a time to critique doctrines, theology, or personal beliefs.
People have come into the hospital with a faith that they believe will sustain them and it is my job as chaplain to meet the patient wherever they are in their faith journey. When I took the course Spiritual Disciplines For Church Leaders, we read some excerpts from the book “Working the Angles” by Eugene Peterson. Toward the end of the book, Peterson discusses how to help to guide people through spiritual direction. This guide of spiritual direction is what I think people need. When persons are at their darkest hour, it is not the faith of someone else that will sustain then. Effective pastoral care is not about my faith but rather about the faith of the patent. Therefore, I now believe that being open to people’s faith and meeting that person right where they are on their faith journey is a fundamental element to effective pastoral care.
There are two campuses of CHS. I was assigned to serve at the Fuld Campus. A few weeks into my program I received a page from Chaplain Faller. He informed me that a Catholic patient had died and that the family was requesting to have prayer over the deceased. Upon receiving the information Chaplain Faller gave me a basic “crash course” in the way that most Catholics practiced their faith. However, he encouraged me that what he had shared was basic and that I should find out what the family was used to doing. Additionally, knowing that I was nervous, he also encouraged me to do what was comfortable for me. Chaplain Faller offered to me his “United Methodist Book of Worship” as a liturgical guide, but I declined. I did so because I have never been a fan of liturgy; I have found them to be less intimate. I have always felt that death was a very personal event and that people deserved to have specific words sent up for the individual life that they lived and not a generic script.
After a brief prayer over my own nervousness I proceeded to the Ambulatory Unit (AMU) where the patient had died. As I entered the room I saw the deceased lying in the bed, an elderly couple, a young couple and a middle aged woman. As these five individuals surrounded the one they loved I began to slowly engage in conversation with them. While I believe that all who were in the room were catholic the family did not really express any tradition that they had practiced at the death of a loved one. After hearing this I asked the family if there were any specific prayers that the family had. They declined and I then proceeded with an extemporaneous prayer. After we finished with the Lord’s Prayer, I then spent a little more time with the family before exiting the room.
As I had the opportunity to process this with Chaplain Faller we began to discuss what liturgy means for me and for others. We also were able to examine what the extemporaneous style of ecclesial practices project. Chaplain Faller really helped me to see why other traditions really appreciate a liturgical style of worship. More importantly he helped to identify some of the benefits of liturgy that I had not considered. For example, there are certain liturgies that have been read for family members over several generations. For some families they want the same liturgy for over their family member as has been the tradition for all family members. I really appreciated how Chaplain Faller helped me to process diversity in the hospital beyond belief systems.
Toward the end of my program I was asked to put together a small program for a mother who was in the hospital and pregnant. While this patient currently was pregnant she had already lost two other children at this very same hospital. It was the birthday of one of the deceased children and the mother wanted a small commemorative service for the child who had died. Because I was so overwhelmed by her situation, I found a liturgy very helpful to me at a time when I did not know what to say.
I have appreciated the diversity that the hospital setting has afforded me with. I have really had the opportunity to begin to learn about different religions, ecclesial practices, and spirituality. Meeting so many people who believe so many different things has allowed me to look even closer at what I believe so that I am able to stand firmly on my own understanding of the Bible and the life of Jesus Christ.
Questions vs. Statements
     When a chaplain goes into a patient room one usually receives one of three responses. One response, which is rare, is when the patient is delighted to see a person who reflects a spiritual director and is ready to engage in the deep spiritual work of the soul. A second response, is when the person may not feel comfortable with the presence of a spiritual director. These patients usually feel that they will be judged for what they believe and would rather not engage in conversation. A third response that is likely is when the patient does not know you at all and therefore he/she does not trust you. As a result of this lack of trust, the patient generally will keep the conversation very minimal because they are not quite sure of what you are really trying to do. Because the latter two are more common the Chaplain can have some difficulty engaging in meaningful conversation.
     It is natural for anyone who wants to engage in conversation, Chaplains especially, to ask questions. People ask questions when they want to know facts, opinions and practices. However, when people are either overwhelmed by the presence of a spiritual director or have not trust in someone who is trying to assist questions can cause less conversation rather than more. One of the tools I now feel equipped with in the pastoral care moment is statements. I have learned that statements can cause people to be less defensive and more open to sharing.
     There are several ways that statements can be made in the hospital room. One way to make statements is for the chaplain to state the obvious. This means that if we see someone who is crying we can address their emotion without a question. The natural response is to ask “why are you crying?” Normally, when we ask this of people they very easily reply “nothing” or “no reason” when we, by our own observation, know these responses are not the truth. However, if we take this moment to make a statement we could get a very different response. An appropriate statement might be “I see that you’re crying.” In turn, the person who is crying may say, “Yes, I’m having a very difficult morning.” Stating the obvious, whatever it may be, can make people feel more comfortable in disclosing why something is happening. Another technique in making statements is to put “I’m wondering” or “tell me” before a question. This means we could get a similar response if we say, “I’m wondering why you are crying.” Or “Tell me why you are crying.”
     Additionally, statements can help us, as chaplains and counselors, to gently guide the conversation. By making statements, the chaplain can subtly move the conversation in the direction it needs to go. Statements have the potential to engage the patient a little more. However, because of the gentle nature of statement the patient often feels comfortable to decline the proposed direction. When people don’t feel comfortable proceeding with a statement he or she can very easily turn the direction of the conversation just like the chaplain did. I now like to say that while I have learned the imposition of inquisitions I have also learned the satisfaction of statements.
Discernment
     One of my spiritual gifts I have tried to continue to develop this summer, when offering pastoral care, has been discernment. For me, discernment is a unique process that I cannot fully explain. In short, however, discernment for me is a means of being sensitive to the present calling of God by way of the Holy Spirit.
My attempt to adhere to the present calling of God prevents me from going patient room to patient room. But rather, in discerning, I walk the assigned floors and begin by “feeling out” who needs to receive visits when referrals or recommendation were not made by the hospital. My attempt to discern was a wonderful experience. When I was able to discern where God wanted me to be and who God wanted me to visit I felt, more easily, the presence of God no matter what was happening during my time with the patient. Because I felt called to these visits I also felt more equipped to hear from God where the conversation needed to go. While the process of discernment is difficult I found it quite rewarding.
However, sometimes I was right in my discerning and other times I was wrong. I learned that there where times when I would judge what I would see and not be as sensitive to the call of God as I should have been. I remember one such patient whom I figured did not need any pastoral care support because she had family with her all the time. This patient also had a nun who was coming to visit her on a weekly basis. Plus, this patient was hooked up to a ventilator. When a patient has a ventilator it makes it very difficult for them to talk. Therefore, I figured that this patient had a strong support systems, strong faith and didn’t need to strain anymore when trying to communicate with additional people.
I soon realized that I was wrong in my analysis. One day I was pulled to the side by one of the nurses who expressed concern for the patient. She noticed that over the past few days the patient was very discouraged and wanted to die. I explained to the nurse my rational in not visiting, and while she understood, she felt that now was an appropriate time. She also informed me that the patient liked to write as a means of communication, rather then straining with the ventilator. I spent a few days with the patient and we had some good discussions. I really was able to see understand how what I see can influence my discernment. From that moment on I tried to push past what I saw and revert even more intently to the present calling of God.
Additionally, my process with discernment was very humbling. There would be times when I wanted work with patients and try to help them. Yet, I was humbled each time when I did not feel a calling to continue to visit. Part of my humility came as a result of my own morality. I had to realize that while the Holy Spirit lives in me and “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” that I cannot do everything. This was a challenging lesson for me this summer.
“Ears to Hear” and Transactional Analysis
     While discerning has remained important throughout my Field Education experience I was interested in developing skills to really “hear” what people were saying. I felt that if I was really able to hear beyond the surface that my discernment would be strengthened and patients would be better served. I based my understanding of this ideology from the call of Christ when He says, “He who has ears, let him hear.”[2]
     Originally, as I discussed this idea of wanting to develop skills to hear I thought I was referring to listening. However, as Chaplain Faller was able to obtain a clearer understanding of what I was looking for he introduced me to the concept of “Transactional Analysis.” During the late 1950s psychiatrist Eric Berne developed a psychoanalytic theory, commonly known as Transactional Analysis, which revolutionized the world of psychology. Transactional Analysis attempts to link ones internal experiences with their interpersonal behaviors. Berne’s approach has provided the world with a tangible tool to combine the psychological and the social when forming an analysis.
     As a tool to help me develop my Transactional Analysis skills Chaplain Faller presented me with a book.  Berne very easily sought to explicate this social psychology in the groundbreaking book, “Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis,” which he wrote in 1964. This book seeks to more closely examine the games that people have played, in theory, throughout their lifetime. Therefore, Berne’s contention in “Games People Play” is that these games serve our world as predictable transactions which carry both motives and desired outcomes.
     Foundational to Berne’s assertion is the ego-state, which may be described as a “system of feelings accompanied by a related set of behavior patters.”[3]  In “Games People Play” Berne has denied a universal ego state and has organized this theory of the ego-state into three distinct categories. The first ego state, commonly known as Parent, seems to bear a resemblance to ones parental figure.  The Second ego state, which is referred to as Adult, tends give factual assessments of reality. Finally there exists a Child ego state, which presents dated remnants of ones early childhood processing.
     Throughout his book Berne refers to each unit of social intercourse, both explicit and psychological, as a transaction. While transactions are unites of social interaction, Berne seems to refer to strokes at unites of recognition. This may mean, more clearly, ones responsiveness to another person. While strokes can be either positive or negative, Berne argues that because people desire recognition so desperately that any type of response can fulfill a person’s desire.     Eventually, Berne combines his ideology of ego-state and his concept of transactions and strokes by developing two distinct types of transactions. The first type is known as a complementary transaction. In this type of transaction both partners speak to the same ego state. This means there can be a transaction from Adult to Adult or Child to Child. An example of an Adult to Adult transaction is found when a Chaplain says, “Maybe we should find out why you’ve been drinking more lately.” An appropriate Adult response from a patient could be “Maybe we should. I’d certainly like to know!” The second type is a crossed transaction. Here, the transactions are crossed when individuals speaks to one other in different ego state. Utilizing the aforementioned example an Adult-Child crossed response to the same question might render a patients Child response, perhaps similar to “You’re always criticizing me, just like my father did.”[4]
     With these terms defined Berne presses forward by developing this notion of games. A game is defined by Berne as “an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predicable outcome.”[5] This predicable outcome, which is stressed throughout Berne’s book, is more commonly known as the payoff.
     Berne tends to argue that playing games is a learned behavior. Games are often times passed down the family tree from generation to generation.[6]  Not only the games people play but the way games are playing is significant in ones analysis. According to Berne, there also exists a cultural, social and personal significance of the chosen game at hand. Each of these factors can be observed over time when exploring how and why people have played games.
     The book “Games People Play” can be considered an invaluable resource to persons who serve in the field of chaplaincy. In the hospital setting, in particular, patients have found themselves at a unique moment in life. Perhaps, for some patients, they are unaware of what will be next for them, changes are getting ready to take place, or a negative report has been rendered by the medical team. When chaplains can understand the circumstances that their patients are facing one may find it difficult for patients to clearly communicate their feelings, thoughts, concerns, emotions or fears. Therefore, patients can easily resort to games as a comfortable ground for their processing and for seeking answers. When a Chaplain utilizes the resource provided in “Games People Play” she may be able to identify a “comfort” game that a patient has resorted to. In understanding this game, the Chaplain can make a conscious choice of weather she will participate in this game or if she will bring forth the antithesis and end the game. When the Chaplain is aware of such games as “Alcoholic,” “Kick Me” or “See What You Made Me Do” she can more adequately serve the patient.
     Additionally, “Games People Play” is resourceful because it also points out the type of games that are played by therapists, case workers and even chaplains. One key example is the game “I’m Only Trying To Help You.” Its thesis is explainable by its name alone. This game may be occurring when guidance is given by the chaplain but refused and/or critiqued by the patient. One can clearly tell if the game is in play when a therapist responds with a feeling of resignation regarding the idea but commits to continue with another attempt at recommending a possible solution.[7] A game such as this can be masked in the mind of a therapist because her similarly trained colleagues participate in this same game on a regular basis. As a result the more and more a patient resists the more a therapist will feel inadequate and will eventually convince herself that “I’m Only Trying To Help You.” Other games such as “Psychiatry,” “Greenhouse” or “Wooden leg” are games that will help therapists, case workers and chaplains to better understand what type of games they too bring into the counseling moment. Knowing this information will help all to better serve the community.
     The book “Games People Play,” can prove to be a lifetime resource of invaluable information. This book provides one with a better understanding of what people are really saying, even desiring. Furthermore, the book provides the reader with a choice, of weather of not they want to play the games which are continuously infiltrating our society. From the perspective of a Chaplain, Eric Berne encourages us to examine more intently the words of Jesus who says, “He who has ears, let him hear.”[8]  When one develops the skills of transactional analysis one finds herself equipped to hear what people are really saying to the Chaplains and in turn can become more sensitive to the present calling of God.
CHS Area Assessment – Mental Illness
     Mental illness is known to affect many people within American society. I decide that for my time at CHS I wanted to spend some time in the mental health unit of the hospital.  Mental Health runs in my family.   Therefore, I desired to do an area assessment of the mental health unit of the hospital so that I could learn the Pastoral Care needs of these patients.
     Some of the most common disorders, just to disclose a few, include schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and depression. Mental illness affects persons of all ages, races, religions and socio-economic status. While these disorders can disrupt ones thinking, feeling and being, mental illness has the ability to intimately influence ones life.
     However, mental illnesses are treatable. Some hospitals spend their time focusing on this one particular illness while others have units that specialize in these areas. While CHS is a General Hospital, this institution makes mental health a priority. At the Fuld Campus of the hospital the mental health unit is divided into two areas. The first is called the Milestones Partial Hospital Program. The second unit, which services inpatients, is commonly known as “3rd East.”
     The Milestones Partial Program permits patients to return home at the end of each day. Sometimes the patients who participate in Milestones have difficulty completing/participating in their day-to-day responsibilities. This program primarily functions by way of group therapies. These groups can take on a variety of topics. For example, there are groups for self-esteem, identifying symptoms, stress management and daily living. These groups allow the clients to discuss these topics, solutions and even help with the implementation of those solutions.
     The Inpatient Mental Health Unit serves patients who need to reside at the hospital for a certain length of time. The needs for clients who received services in the inpatient groups require a stricter program because of their lack in coping with life stresses.
     This summer I had the opportunity to spend a significant amount of time with the Inpatient Mental Health Unit. These patients begin their day by waking up at 6:00 AM. After which they have their morning meds, breakfast and smoke break. At 10:00 AM the Community Meeting takes place.  Community Meeting is a very important moment in the daily lives of these patients. It is at this time that the day is set, tasks are assigned, changes are made, etc. After this meeting and a break, patients have their first group therapy of the day. Generally, the patients are split into two groups. This helps to keep the groups manageable. After lunch, the second round of group therapy begins around 1:10 PM. Followed by a break, snack and some quite time, the third round of groups beings at 4:05. After this, Dinner is served and visitors are welcome to come from 6:00-8:00 PM. At 8:00 PM the final round of therapy for the day takes place. As one can tell, the inpatient program really strives to give the patients balance in their day. The patience’s seem to have effective groups but good breaks so that they are not overwhelmed.
     The staff persons who serve in the Inpatient Mental Health Unit need to know psychological concepts. Qualifications of the staff should also consist of ones ability to work with a large variety of family systems. As has been my experienced many of the families of patients, even lack there of, has played a significant role in how one deals with their mental illness and its treatment. There are also other characteristics and qualities that need to be associated with staff persons who serve this unit. These persons should have a high self-esteem. During frustrating moments patients can say mean things and a high self-esteem will help a staff person to not take these comments personally. Additionally, staff should be good at setting boundaries. These boundaries will help to protect both the staff and the patient during their interactions. Finally, staff persons should also hold a level of compassion. Life is hard for patients with mental illness and ones ability to understand this may make working together easier.
     However one observation that I was able to make during my time at CHS is that many of the patients who have a desire for spirituality are “sexually occupied.” Ironically, this may be because many of the patients on “3rd East” are victims of some type of sexual abuse. This really requires the Chaplain to set boundaries and commit to guidance in this challenging area. Additionally, any chaplain who works with mental illness should be aware of the fact that there is some hostility toward God. Many patients often wonder: “why did God make me this way?” or “Why won’t God heal my mind?” There is a lot of diversity in the disorders of Mental patients but also in the belief systems of patients. That diversity needs to be respected and room should be made for all of the religions at the table.
     The Mental Illness program, altogether, at the Fuld Campus of CHS is striving to help those who often times cannot help themselves. This unit seems to be constantly striving to provide the best care. I enjoyed the opportunity of working directly with the mental illness programs at CHS.  As a result of my time on this unit I hope that I am able to add the course that Princeton offers for Pastoral Care for Mental Illness patients.
Conclusion
     When I first arrived at CHS Chaplain Faller informed us that one of our major roles here for the summer was to “witness.” In the traditional context of the Christian church one would interpret this to mean that it was our job to witness to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But this was not what he meant by “witnessing.”
     To “witness” in Chaplaincy is to look, visually, at the challenges of life that most people don’t want to see. To “witness” in this ministry and beyond is to connect the theological teachings of the classroom with the faces of people. To “witness” is to open the doors of dialogue that challenge the soul. I believe that CHS has helped me to begin to understand the calling and even the burden of witnessing.
     While there is so much more that can be discussed there is simply not enough time, space or even words. There were my late not conversations with theodicy, which have probably caused more question then conclusions. Even though I have taken the course Death and Dying and spent the summer paying witness to the end of life, I still struggle between the prognosis of death and a God who has served as healer. Furthering this, is what roel is the church to play in helping members to prepare for death.
     My witnessing, here this summer, is only the beginning of a discipline to delve beyond what is comfortable and wrestle with challenging theological realities. Yet, once we have wrestled, there is a responsibility to change. Just like Jacob we must never walk the same because now there exists an obligation to “witness” to: the ways in which God has moved beyond the four walls of the church, how God has met us at the difficult intersections of life’s journey and see how God has met us at our fear with a reminder that he has never leaving us nor forsaken us.[9]
___________
End Notes

[1]  Proverbs 31:8-9
[2]  Matthew 11:15
[3]  Eric Berne, Games People Play: The Basic Handbook of Transactional Analysis (New York:
       Ballantine Books, 1964), 23
[4]  Ibid., 31
[5]  Ibid., 48
[6]  Ibid., 171
[7]  Ibid., 143
[8]  Matthew 11:15
[9]  Joshua 1:5

Band-Aids

2006-09-19T11:42:00.000-04:00

Last week I dealt with a very challenging case with the hospital. A women had be brought in to the hospital for care. While there, her husband died in an accident at work. However, the woman who was brought in seemed to be experienced some memory. Therefore, this woman was finding out, time and time again, that her husband had died. This meant that every time someone informed of the death of her husband, she received the information like it was new for the very first time. Ultimately, this woman experienced the death of her husband over and over and over again.

In addition to this, the hospital saw that every time this women was finding out and as her memory began to stay that she would, like anyone, get worked up at the thought of losing her life partner. Therefore the hospital placed the women on several drugs to number her hurting heart. But the fact of the matter is that while the hospital desired to keep her calm and drugged, her husband was dead and reality would soon set in.

But this type of behavior goes far beyond the hospital. Like my employment as a Behavioral Assistant is a prime example. Many of my clients have life issues that often times evolve the whole family. But the state/county wants us to come in a work with just the young person. How effective can one be in impacting the life and behavioral practices of a youth without the presence and willingness to work by the parent?

I must say that rather then placing masks or band aids over pain, over our hurts, over our realties, we must try and face them head on. I realize they are challenging. I realize that often times its like jumping from a cliff. But as long as we try and mask these realities we attempt to fool only a portion of our head and heart from what we know good and well is happening in our lives.

I hope this summer to realistically discuss my own realties. And look at how I have tried to cover them, removed them and overlook them. Its time to face the music. Its time to face the crowd. Rehearsal is over and the real show has just begun.

Blessings to you,

Courtney L. Clayton

First week of Field Ed.

2006-06-07T23:45:00.000-04:00

I have completed the first week of my Field education experience. For those of you who don’t know I am working at a hospital in Trenton. The experience thus far has been quite interesting.

There appears to be quite a bit of emphasis by my supervisor on my feelings. What is quite interesting is that while I am constantly asking other people how they “feel” about things, rarely do people ask me how I am “feeling”. While I feel somewhat in touch with my feelings, I am not used to verbalizing my feelings out loud (and making sure others can understand what makes sense in my head). Although this can be challenging for me at times, I think I will find it quite rewarding.

Today I engaged with some of the patients. I realized that while I enjoy the visits there are some underlying apprehensions that do arise. Memories of my grandmother, who was sick for nearly 14 years, arise. I remember what it was like visiting her, talking with her (although communication was challenging), combing her hair, brushing her teeth, washing her face. I also remember the care she received from the facility (no comment!)

My concern arises out of the fact that I, myself, have never been hospitalized. This is some concern of mine (but trust me I am not trying to get hospitalized) Yet hospitalization is a very intimate thing. So my concern lies in my desire to connect with people who are (A) in a place I have never been and (B) entering this intimate space in the lives of people who are ill. Yet I, thus fare, see a need to maintain my own practice of ministry which is to meet people right where they are.

Thank You

2006-04-30T00:18:00.000-04:00

Who ever knew that walking across those green blades of freshly cut grass would be my encounter with destiny? A divine appointment from the King is what I have received in you. As you took my hand to bring me greetings, what I did not know was that my world was being transformed. The small airwaves began to move at a pace which I never knew.

And I never anticipated this encounter. I did not come looking for this finely wrapped package; which the King, himself, spent a lifetime preparing. I must admit that I was overwhelmed. I must admit that, out of fear, I sought to choose my own path. The truth is: I felt unworthy of this gift.

But you knew better than I. Why? Because you knew that the appointment was real. Why? Because you knew “he that findith...” Yet, you sought me, even when I did not want to be found.

And the truth is: I thank you!

The truth is: I love you!

Gas Protest

2006-04-29T13:12:00.000-04:00

On May 15th all myspace members are to not go to the gas station in protest high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places. There are 72,110,073 members currently on the network, and the average car takes about 20 to 30 dollars to fill up. If all myspace members did not go to the pump on the 15th it would take $2,163,302,190.00 out of the oil companys pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the oil industry for at least one day.If you agree (which i cant see why you wouldnt) repost this bulletin repost it with 'Don't pump gas on May 15th.'

2006-04-26T01:13:00.000-04:00

Seed of Wisdom!

2006-04-26T00:46:00.000-04:00

"It was clear that God always had the prerogative to do a new thing, even things not thought of before. To be Creator is to be free to act and to design. It is the freedom or free will of God with which the human spirit is indelibly marked. And if God's image is in all men and women, I believe that with this image comes the capacity to know God and to know God is calling each and every one to glorify him. And when men and women strive to be free, this desire is inspired by God. Such a longing let my black ancestors to sing, "Before I'll be a slave, I'll be buried in my grace, and go home to my Lord to be free."
~ Rev. Delores Carpenter, "The Journey I Have Known", in This is My Story: Testamonies & Sermons of Black Women In Ministry, edited by Cleophus J. LaRue

Going Out of Business..

2006-04-17T14:50:00.000-04:00

Ignorance you can do something about.

2006-04-17T14:39:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I picked up a bottle of Formula 50 Vitaminwater. Although I like the taste I will not be purchasing this product any longer. This is because I was VERY OFFENDED by the information listed on the side of your bottle. The side of the bottle reads, “50 cent’s new album is bound to go platinum. So formula 50 decided to go platinum too. Not to be outdone, we are happy to announce the release of our own album, “hydrate or die tryin’.” All we need is one little should out at the MTV video music awards. Suckaz be movin’ out the way at them beverage conferences. Plus our drink has the nutrients you need to fuel you through your day. That’s just how we roll here in queens.”

As an African-American I found the use of such phrases as "suckaz be movin'" offensive and degrading to other African Americans. Although the bottle may not explicitly say that vitaminwater is making “fun of” African Americans…to me, they are! They are making fun of the way African Americans talk. Ultimately vitaminwater is promoting the use of improper language—by way of 50 cent who does the same.

I would never expect a professional product like Vitaminwater to perpetuate such ignorance and degradation. I think the marketing team should revamp their approach for Formula 50.

I would encourage each of you who read this to write vitaminwater and complain. I did.

Go to http://www.vitaminwater.com/ and click on “Contact us.”

Will the real Miss Spelman please stand up?

2006-04-14T02:49:00.000-04:00

Will the real Miss Spelman please stand up?S.A. Reid - StaffThursday, April 13, 2006

Her reign was short. English major Terricha Bradley was crowned Miss Spelman College last Saturday. The next day she was asked to give up the coveted title.

"I have not and will not resign as Miss Spelman College," said Bradley, a Cleveland, Ohio, native who dedicated her involvement in the pageant to her brother, who died last year from sickle cell anemia.

Bradley said she was told by a school official last Sunday that first runner-up Ashley Moss had actually won because she received more popular votes in the annual contest that also counts talent, poise and interviews with judges.

The surprising turn of events has one of the nation's most prestigious liberal arts college for African-American women working to determine the real winners for the 2006-2007 Miss Spelman and her Court.

"There was an error in the tallying process," said Tomika DePriest, a Spelman spokeswoman. "At this point, the results are under review."

What happened isn't clear. Efforts to get clarification from Spelman were unsuccessful. But school officials said Wednesday they don't plan to make any announcement about the contest results or the 2006-2007 Miss Spelman Court inductions until their probe is complete. They also said in a statement that auditors they used to certify the results have taken full responsibility.

Sheena Glover, the director of student activities, manages the pageant, according to Spelman officials. Glover has declined to comment.
The outcome could change the makeup of the school's three-member court and leave some participants and their families Spelman blue with disappointment.

Some students involved have offered their own version of the controversy that comes as Spelman celebrates its 125th anniversary.

Bradley said she was crowned Miss Spelman on Saturday, then asked on Sunday to resign after a school official said the final contest composite scores were miscalculated. She was told that the popular vote was left out of the tally, and that Moss should have won, based on the popular vote count.

The popular vote accounts for 25 percent of the total score. Interviews with judges, artistic expression, evening wear competition, poise and other categories make up 75 percent.

Moss did not return numerous calls seeking comment.

Second attendant Diana Stallworth, a psychology major from Washington, said she was asked to resign, too. Stallworth said she was told contest auditors mistakenly gave her the nod over another contestant. Like Bradley, she is unwilling to cede her title.

More than 900 of the school's 2,100-plus students cast ballots in mid-February, Spelman officials said.

Eight students competed for the title, according to the Spelman Spotlight, the campus newspaper.

Contest judges interviewed said they are appalled at the turn of events.
"I send my apologies to Terricha," said Cara Patterson, a contest judge and last year's Miss Georgia State University.

"It just seems unprofessional."

Reginald Lewis, who assembled the panel of judges, says Bradley is being punished for someone else's mistake.

"It brings a dark cloud to what should be the happiest moment in this girl's life," said Lewis, a certified Miss America pageant preliminary judge.

Danica Tisdale, a Spelman graduate and former Miss Georgia who also helped judge Saturday's contest, was optimistic that her alma mater will do the right thing.

"I feel badly for the women who are involved and have to go through this," Tisdale said. "I'm certain Spelman will handle this, as it has handled everything else, in an appropriate way."

Comedy in Prosperity

2006-04-05T12:04:00.000-04:00

For Heavens Sake

2006-03-31T00:50:00.000-05:00

Just to let you know...

2006-03-31T00:45:00.000-05:00

Ok...I feel it tugging at my spirit. Probably just in time. I feel God calling me to a season of listening. Anyone who knows me know I love to talk and to offer advise. So that "listening season" is going to be tuff but I am excited about it. With that said, I will probably be using my blog as a means of expression because I want to pick and choose my statements more wisely. So look for more...

You Think You Know…But You Have No Idea

2006-03-31T00:43:00.000-05:00

You Think You Know…But You Have No Idea

I have come to the conclusion that pastoral care is so very important to effective ministry. More importantly, pastoral care is not only beneficial to the one receiving the care but also to the Pastor providing it. Pastoral care is: the broad, inclusive ministry of mutual growth and healing within a congregation.

“Pastoral counseling, for those who are not familiar, is the utilization of a variety of healing (therapeutic) methods to help people handle their personal problems, life destiny, and their relationship with God. The major functions of pastoral care and counseling are healing, sustaining, guiding, and reconciling. These are challenging and exciting functions of ministry: to be part of a process aimed at restoring persons to wholeness, helping a troubled person to endure and transcend a circumstance through faith that seems most difficult, assisting perplexed persons to assess their life situations and then make confident choices, and to be a part of a process of re-establishing broken relationships with others and God” (taken from the Lexington Theological Seminary website).

I say this because there are pastors/preachers who sit and prepare their Sunday sermon who have no idea as to the intricate challenges facing their congregations. Let me put it this way: You may know that Mr. Johnson is going through a divorce; or you may know that Mrs. Smith is waiting on the results from her biopsy; or that Ashley has become the newest teen pregnancy within your church; or that 9 months ago Deacon Andrews experienced the death of one of his children. The frightening part is that as pastor/preacher we can know these things but in truth have absolutely no idea as to the magnitude of struggle engaging our very own congregations.

I say that we have no ideas because until on has had several opportunities to dialogue with people in “crisis” we cannot begin to grasp the depths of their reality; of their pain; of their fear; of their notion of failure; or of their plan for success change.

I recently have been blessed by the presence of a young lady I am now offering pastoral care to. And I must say that this young lady has not only been through “hell and high water” but may have drowned several times and been resuscitated. And yet, by the grace of God, she has survived. As I listen to her experiences, I am both amazed and yet convicted. Amazed that she has survived such tragedy but I must say that I find myself convicted because I am fairly certain that I would not have been able to do the same. She inspires me to look deep within and consider reality beyond my own.

Several times this week in many of my classes’ pastoral care has been a central focus. Time and time again I hear stories of church members who go into the hospital, don’t see their pastors before, during or after surgery. What does this say about the church, the Christian Church—that is. The reality is that people lay in their hospital beds angry; initially with their pastor/church and eventually with God.

“God, why didn’t anyone come and see about me.”

Let me be clear, in that, I know that as mature Christians we aught to rely on God and not on others, but the reality is that we were created for relationship; first with God and then with others.

There is distinct difference between worship at home by yourself and corporate worship. There is a distinct difference between praying at home by yourself and corporate prayer. There is a distinct difference between study the bible on your own and engaging in bible study corporately. The reality is we need the members of the body to see about the body.

I say this particularly for pastors/preachers because I believe that our offering of pastoral care we could also benefit. When you know the reality of your congregation your sermons have to come alive; become real and relevant. I say this because now you are intimately aware of the needs of the audience. I think that the more intimately aware you are of the congregations needs the more easily you can discern the Holy Spirit.

As pastors/preachers we stand before the faces of our congregants and we think we know—but in truth—we have no idea. For example, women and children are being abused or men are addicted to drugs, alcohol, and sex. And these descriptions here simply tap at the surface. What and how is the abused being engaged? Why has he or she allowed it to go on so long? How can one get help? Does one want help? How did you get addicted in the first place? And so on….and so on…and so on. We need to hear the reality of our sheep.

I say this because when most churches reach a certain size one of two things happen? Either, the majority of pastors stop offering pastoral care because the rest of the ministerial staff can do so. Or, the pastor offers pastoral care sessions for a very small and limited part of the week…making continued sessions not a realistic option.

However, I think that if pastors could commit to some form of pastoral care, even if it’s just two cases, with persons on a regular basis (bi-monthly at least) I think it would be beneficial to all involved. Because the reality is, how can we preach prosperity if we don’t know form the mouths of our own congregations that children have gone hungry for days on end and the second eviction notice has been fixed to the door?

Well I’m just getting this entire thing out of my heart and onto the computer. I am not thinking it all the way through, but I am attempting to put it out there for some dialogue. Let me know what you think…or perhaps you have no idea.

LOVE .... This is cool

2006-03-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

Field Education Updates

2006-03-29T11:56:00.000-05:00

Brief Updates…

This summer I will be doing my Field Education at Capital Health Systems hospital in Trenton. I will be serving there with the Chaplin. If you have been reading my Blog I reflected on this (1.26.06).

Additionally, next academic year I will be serving as the minister to youth at St. James AME Church in Newark. (www.stjamesame.org). I am excited about this challenge as well. St. James is a progressive AME church that really doing a great example of holistic ministry.

I am very excited.

In the midst of mid-terms....SO

2006-03-13T00:41:00.000-05:00

Greetings all. I am in the midst of midterm--so my time to write is non existent. So let me engage you further in the blog world. This weeks post will come from another seminarians blog. I don't know this girl from "Adam's house cat," but I found this reflection good. Its about modern day lynching and comments made by James Cone on the subject. Awesome read and its short. Here yah are. I'll be back next weak. Holla!

http://kate48.blogspot.com/2005/11/lynching-revisited.html

Pictures....Yeah!

2006-03-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

Flash Slideshow

The Trinity: Do we really recognize ALL of God?

2006-03-01T01:29:00.000-05:00

The Trinity: Do we really recognize ALL of God?

Last week there was an article published in the Dallas Morning

Newspaper referencing a new book about TD Jakes. The book, T.D. Jakes America’s New Preacher, is written by Dr. Shayne Lee, professor of Sociology at Tulane University. The article states (Because I haven’t read the book) that the book focuses on the rise to fame of TD Jakes from an objective/academy perspective as opposed to the providential/spiritual. The book does sound quite interesting even though it costs $27.95 and has not been well publicized. (A copy of the article is located below this post)

But the reason I mention this is because of the observation that Dr. Lee has made about Trinitarian theology (theology of the trinity) within most Mega Churches. Dr. Lee notes that many of the mega churches, including the Potter’s House, place their emphasis/theology solely on Jesus and not on the triune God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit). Hold that thought…

In my systematic theology class (WHICH I AM LOVIN) we happened to start Trinitarian theology this week. Within our main text for the class, Faith Seeketh Understanding, the book talks about how as Christians our faith is “in” the triune God. That as Christians we believe in one (1) God who is three (3) beings/”persons”. Our Faith is in Father, Son AND Holy Spirit.

For me, Thus, our faith is IN God—the creator, God the redeemer—Jesus and in God the Holy Spirit—the spirit which first lived in Christ and now dwells in us as Christians.

Yet, I think Lee just might be right. One could easily say that the modern day faith is in Jesus alone.

I was even thinking about, how for so many churches the confession of faith has its central emphasis on Jesus and gives minor attention the other two begins of the triune God (God Himself and the Holy Spirit). In so many of the black churches I have been in I hear something along the lines of the following.
Repeat after me, “I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the God. I believe that he died for my sins and was raised on the third day. Come and live in my heart. I am saved.”

My concern is that confessions, along these lines, give no clear definition to our belief in the triune God. Jesus is explicitly mentioned while God and the Holy Spirit take a back seat. What if those who have come to engage in a new relationship with God (the triune) didn’t really believe in God in the first place? Isn’t the confession of God first, just as important as our confession of Jesus.
Let me be clear that confession of Jesus is necessary, but it is Jesus who we believe now sits at the right hand of God. Thus Christ’s coming was to save us but it was also to point us toward God the father. Christ is a part of the trinity, lets be clear on that, but (for me!) Christ subordinate to God. Christ came and submitted His will to the will of God. This is evident when Jesus prays TO God asking for the cup to be taken away.

In a like manner, when we don’t explicitly recognize the role and life of the Holy Spirit we lead people to believe that there is this new “random” voice which lives inside. I think that this is often times why people do things and say, “God said.” Yet they find no confirmation in God’s Word, primarily because they haven’t looked. For so many, they do not even know what the Holy Spirit is.

Therefore, it is my recommendation that when people come forward to give their lives to God through the revelation of Christ that we clearly make them aware of all that comes with this confession. Hence, I would render the following confession of faith…

“I believe in God, who created the heavens, the earth and me. I believe that God loved me enough to send his son Jesus who came to die for my sins, was raised from the grave, and not sits at the right hand of God. And with the resurrection of Christ came the power of the Holy Spirit, which now lives in my heart and will assist me in understanding God’s scriptures, the revelation of Christ, and my own personal calling. Thank you for giving me the all of you, (God) in creation, (Christ) in redemption, and in (Holy Spirit) sustenance. By this, I am beginning a new, fresh and intimate relationship with the God who will never leave me nor forsake me. Amen!”

If Jesus is to be the way, the truth and the light then we must accept all of his ways, all of this truths and the fullness of his light. Let us not limit God by Jesus alone. Jesus came not that we would seek only him, but that his life might attest to His father.

Amen!

Article on Jakes as Promised!

2006-03-01T00:57:00.000-05:00

(Article on Jakes as promised!)

Ready for his close-up? Professor's book, mostly but not entirely flattering, looks at T.D. Jakes' rise to fame

By SAM HODGES / The Dallas Morning News

T.D. Jakes' famous pulpit refrain is "Get Ready!" But whether Bishop Jakes is ready for the first scholarly book about him is unclear.

Shayne Lee's largely favorable T.D Jakes: America's New Preacher (New York University Press, $27.95) charts Bishop Jakes' rise from obscure West Virginia ditch-digger and storefront preacher to internationally known Dallas-based clergyman, advising President Bush and making the cover of Time magazine.Dr. Lee, a sociology professor at Tulane University in New Orleans, also writes about Bishop Jakes' incessant fund-raising and mansion-dwelling, Bentley-driving lifestyle. He questions where Bishop Jakes stands on such traditional Christian beliefs as the Trinity. And he notes that Bishop Jakes, while remarkably effective at capturing a female audience, "at times makes awkward references to women's breasts."

A spokesman said Bishop Jakes, pastor of the Potter's House in southwest Dallas, won't be reading Dr. Lee's book.

"He's busy with [Hurricane] Katrina-related work, and with running his church," said Mark DeMoss, the Jakes spokesman. "He doesn't read a lot of what's written about him."

Others are reading Dr. Lee's book. It came out in October and quickly sold through its first edition of 2,000 copies, despite the high price and meager marketing that come with publication through a university press.
Dr. Lee, 34, sees himself as a pioneer – the first to do a full-length scholarly take on Bishop Jakes. He's sure he won't be the last.

"Other than Martin Luther King Jr., he's the most influential African-American preacher ever," said Dr. Lee. "A lot of ministers and scholars get mad when they hear me make that comment, but I boldly make it. ... As far as the breadth of his talent and the scope of what he's been able to do, I can't think of a close second."
Dr. Lee was an undergraduate at Oral Roberts University in 1993 when Bishop Jakes, then relatively unknown, preached on campus at the Azusa Conference – a showcase for Pentecostal ministers. Though Dr. Lee didn't go, he heard the buzz afterward.

"It was a Friday night when he spoke," Dr. Lee said. "A couple of friends came back and said, 'This guy Bishop Jakes was great. He really tore it up.' "

Dr. Lee soon made it a point to hear Bishop Jakes. And while getting a master's degree in biblical studies from Regent University, a master's in religion from Trinity Evangelical Divinity School and a Ph.D. in sociology from Northwestern University, Dr. Lee followed Bishop Jakes' rise.

In 2001, when Bishop Jakes made the cover of Time with a headline that asked whether he might be the new Billy Graham, Dr. Lee decided he had to write a book.

"For a black Pentecostal preacher to be on the cover of Time, compared to America's greatest religious icon – I had to ask myself what took place in American Protestantism for this to be posed as a reasonable question," he said.
Dr. Lee considered himself unusually well qualified for that task. Beyond having the academic grounding, he grew up in New York City, in a Pentecostal home. He understood that faith's commitment to emotional, Holy Spirit-filled worship, including speaking in tongues.

Moreover, he had a keen interest in high-profile preachers, studying them the way a hardcore boxing fan (Dr. Lee is one of those, too) would heavyweight contenders.

Dr. Lee said he tried "many, many times" to get an interview with Bishop Jakes, and a staff member led him to believe one was in the works. But it never happened. (Bishop Jakes, through his spokesman, said he was unsure whether he knew of the author's request.)

Unable to have a one-on-one encounter, Dr. Lee immersed himself in Bishop Jakes' TV performances and tapes, and read most of his books. He also read news clippings and heard Bishop Jakes preach at the Potter's House and at conferences. He interviewed ministers and others who know Bishop Jakes well.
The T.D. Jakes portrayed by Dr. Lee is remarkable from childhood forward.
"Jakes, from Day One, was both a businessman and a preacher," Dr. Lee said. "He was a little Bible boy, and he was a little boy selling vegetables from his mother's garden."

As a teen, Tommy Jakes spent considerable time nursing his terminally ill father – a fact Dr. Lee says is important in understanding Bishop Jakes' empathy. The book also traces Bishop Jakes' conversion to Pentecostal faith, his brief study of psychology in college, and his perseverance, with the steadfast help of wife Serita, through lean early years in Charleston, W.Va.

"This guy almost singlehandedly turned a dilapidated old movie theater into a church," Dr. Lee said. "He was working at the time, digging ditches until his hands would bleed, and in his spare time he was working on the church."

One chapter titled "Jakes Receives His Big Break" describes the events that led to his 1993 appearance at the Azusa Conference. Dr. Lee recounts Bishop Jakes' climb to prominence through regular appearances on religious TV. And he covers the decision to relocate to Dallas, where Bishop Jakes started the Potter's House in 1996.

Dr. Lee finds much to admire in Bishop Jakes' life and work.

"He understands what hurts people, and he's able to communicate the Gospel in a way that alleviates people's pain," he said.

But Dr. Lee said Bishop Jakes is open to criticism because of the wealth he's accumulated tending an empire that includes the Potter's House, nonprofit organizations and TDJ Enterprises, the umbrella company for his for-profit efforts in book publishing, and music, theater and film production.

Bishop Jakes is easily a millionaire from book sales alone, Dr. Lee believes.

"He's in the business of selling God, and he's built a fortune by turning spirituality into a commodity."

He also noted that Bishop Jakes has been less transparent with his finances than many TV evangelists. And, he said, Bishop Jakes has been artfully vague on whether he believes in the Trinity.

Most Pentecostals do, and the Potter's House doctrinal statement says God is "Triune in His manifestation."

But the statement omits the word "Trinity" and Dr. Lee points out that Oneness or Apostolic Pentecostals, the group Bishop Jakes was long affiliated with, baptize in the name of Jesus only and reject the idea of God as manifested in three distinct persons. (The complicated debate about Bishop Jakes and the Trinity is played out on various Web sites.)

Although he is highly popular among women, and comfortable with women in the pulpit and in key staff positions, Bishop Jakes' sermons and writings are in some ways antifeminist, Dr. Lee argues. The pastor, he said, calls on women to submit to their husbands. And Bishop Jakes' writings show a preoccupation with the female form, the sociologist said.

"Whether he is referring to strong thighs, firm breasts, satiny skin, sex appeal, or overall beauty in general, Jakes' unnecessary references to female physicality represent the patriarchal habit of objectifying the female body," Dr. Lee writes.
Dr. Lee's own preoccupation seems to be with the words "neo-Pentecostal" and "postmodern," which appear often in his text.

By neo-Pentecostal, he says he means "a new way of being Pentecostal – less emphasis on speaking in tongues, more emphasis on the liberating power of the Holy Spirit, and the embrace of psychology." And by calling Bishop Jakes postmodern, he defines him as "outside the box of traditional churches. He wants to blur denominational lines."

Although Bishop Jakes would not comment on the book, Mr. DeMoss, his spokesman, said: "Mr. Lee's opinions are just that, opinions. He accuses Bishop Jakes of profiting from 'selling God' and writing books about God. Well, God isn't for sale, and Mr. Lee is seeking to profit from a book he wrote about a preacher he has never met or spoken to."

Dr. Lee's next book will investigate the influence and appeal of Bishop Jakes and four other preachers – Rick Warren, of The Purpose-Driven Life fame; Joel Osteen, of Houston's massive Lakewood Church; Brian McLaren, an author and leading figure in the "emergent church" movement; and Paula White, a rising star on Christian TV.

"This book is basically going to explain to the world why these five preachers are drawing millions of followers," he said.

Hurricane Katrina shut down Tulane in the fall, even as it propelled Bishop Jakes to a frenzy of relief fundraising and organizing. For Dr. Lee, the terrible storm meant a "forced sabbatical," with plenty of time to write.

"I've got about three-quarters of the book done."

Your Love Runs Deep

2006-02-21T12:31:00.000-05:00

Your Love Runs Deep by Courtney L. Clayton

Your love runs deep
Deep within my soul
A tear roles from my cheek to yours
And I am touched.

Your love runs deep
Like vast oceans
Full of God’s great creation
And I am full

Your love runs deep
Deep like the cry of newborn babies
Fresh from mama’s womb
And I am moved

Your love runs deep
From within my breast
The beat of this heart is now turned toward you
And I am consumed

Your love runs deep
Deeper than the color of any skin
Deeper than the pains inflicted by peers
Deeper than the sin of my past, present and future
And I am comforted

I am so grateful that
Your love runs deep.

And by the depth of your loveI am touched and
I am full and
I am moved and
I am consumed and
I am comforted and

I am
And I am
And I am

Finding out new ways to
View you
See you and
Internalize you

Teach me the depth of your love
I am so grateful that
Your love runs deep.

SLEEP (Does it exist) ... Life now consists of naps

2006-02-08T11:03:00.000-05:00

Lawd, Lawd, Lawd. I stretch my hand to thee. I have been engaging in this semester 17 days now total (13 school days) and have not gone to bed one night before 2:00 AM. I guess a lack of sleep comes with the call, hugh. Jesus keep me away. Help me to retain!

The work hours of a seminary student 6:30 AM – 2:00 AM. This is more than a job, it must be a calling!

That is sick!

Calvin pierced my soul

2006-02-02T22:21:00.000-05:00

"For how can the thought of God penetrate your mind without your realizing immediately that, since you are His handiwork, you have been made over and bound to His command by right of creation, that you owe your life to Him?--that whatever you undertake, whatever you do, ought to be ascribed to Him?"

~ John Calvin, The Institutes of the Christian Religion (I.ii.42)

Intersection of intimacy in the life of a minister...I'm greatful in spite of my fear

2006-01-26T09:51:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to go to a local hospital here in Trenton for an interview for some possible field education experience.  As I sat with the Chaplin and he was telling me of all he does and his varying experiences I was overwhelmed.  Chaplaincy is a divine intersection with ministry.  A place where one cannot hide behind a pulpit but as minister you must personally interact with someone who stands in need.

Its one thing to do this when you know the person,  or are referenced to them by a mutual friend.  But to minister, personally mind you, to those who know nothing of you and you know nothing of them is a close interaction with God.

I think particularly in the black church, we can stand behind the pulpit and yes speak life.  But when we speak it corporately, as the prophet, we speak life to the masses and don’t have to interact the personal conflicts of those in the audience.  Even if we know the issues of those in the pews, Sunday mornings the masses all stand before us.

Am I ready for this intersection?  I know it is a door I need to go through.  But I guess it reminds me of moments in life when I have done this before.  When people stood before me with sickness of mind, body, emotion and/or spirit.  Broken hearted at what life has presented.  Not understanding how and/or why.

Folks this is not evangelism but this is the intimate engagement of the holy spirit (at least so I think right now).  There was the women with the issue of blood who took what she needed from behind.   Yes, they interacted but she had already taken here healing in a corporate environment.

But I guess I am reminded of the story of Elisha and the boy who be brought back from death (2 KINGS 4:18-36).  At one point the text reads:

“When Elisha reached the house, there was the boy lying dead on his couch. He went in, shut the door on the two of them and prayed to the LORD. Then he got on the bed and lay upon the boy, mouth to mouth, eyes to eyes, hands to hands. As he stretched himself out upon him, the boy's body grew warm. Elisha turned away and walked back and forth in the room and then got on the bed and stretched out upon him once more. The boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes.”

If this experience, or any other like it becomes available, it will be an intimate act with the one who stand in need.  And yet, I will be stretched before them.  I will be challenged at my core.  It will be good but it will be both draining and challenging.

The Chaplin asked me about how do we minister to a woman who has just lost her baby?  A child or adult diagnosed with cancer?  A gang member shot in battle turf?  A mother who has illness but 5 children and no husband?  A man who provides for his family but has a terminally ill disease?

Powerful questions that dancing Sunday morning, speaking in tongues, and the like mean nothing to when one stands in need of seeing a glimpse of God in a potentially dim and dark space.

What am I saying:  There is a need for Sunday service a need for dancing, praising, praying (in all types of tongues), speaking life to the masses and the like.  But we as pastors/ministers must not forget the needs of those during the week.  And ALL needs cannot be met on Sunday morning.  The ministry during the week is just as important as the ministry on Sunday mornings.
I pray throughout my lifetime that I might be stretched so that others might see this light which God has not only placed in side of my but is also side of those (who like me) stand in need of something from God.  Beyond healing, we all stand in need of something (affirmation, peace of mind, direction, etc.)

Yet, God does provide every one of our needs.

“The Lord is here, He has established His name, and it shall reign FOREVER.”

He's Been Sooooooo Good

2006-01-26T09:28:00.000-05:00

To give Him glory is my goal
To magnify His Majesty is meaningful to me
To love His unlimited loyalty is lasting
To preach his promised presence is a privilege
To follow in his guided favor toward destiny is unfathomable

Wow!  God is moving in awesome and marvelous ways.  What a blessed God we served and how glad and honored I am that I have made this decision to follow after Him; o commit my life to serving Him.

I know sometimes within the context of the church it becomes cliché when we talk about “looking back at where God has brought us from.”  But yet when we pause and take a moment to do so, we ought to stand in amazement.  There were times when we should have been dead.  Times when we should have been cut off.  Times when we should have not made it.  Time when we should not have been provided for.  Times when we should not have been loved.  Times when we should have been punished.  But He showed us so much mercy.  Even when we were ignorant.  Even when we were stubborn.  Even when we were hardheaded.  Even when we did what we wanted to do.  Even when we deliberately turned our backs on Him.  He showed us mercy.  He loved us in spite of our sins.  He loved us despite our desire to do our own thing.  And yet we still even in our mature relationships still fall short.  And like a black women on Jerry Springer he continues to take us back every time.  With open arms he welcomes us (Hosea).  Even if we have gone out and made baby’s with other gods he takes care of our bastard children.

Yall, this God we serve is no joke and I am delighted at the possibility of serving God one more semester.  This semester has been so rewarding to me.  In spite of some serious health challenges God has brought me through.  In spite of the fact that I couldn’t do all the reading he made the knowledge appear.  In spite of the times I slept as apposed to studying Hebrew flash Cards (JESUS) he was gracious unto me and I am certain he will be gracious unto you as well.
One of the things which as been confirmed in my spirit is that if we stand willing to serve this God who loves us, he stands willing to serve our every need.  Even if its is not what we expect God is moving in a wave of shekinah glory and we must catch this surf which has come to the shore.

Lawd have mercy

2006-01-26T09:14:00.000-05:00

Lawd, have mercy. I can’t believe that I have finished my first semester of seminary. 1 down 5 more to go!

All I have to say is this: Now unto “him who is able to keep me from falling and to present me before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God my Savior be glory, majesty, power and dominion, through Jesus Christ my Lord, before all ages, both now and forevermore! Amen.

Hold On...

2006-01-12T00:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve finished my first semester of seminary. 1 semester down 5 more to go! ;0) I haven’t slept. So look for an entry by Sunday. I promise!

Wow a whole month hugh...

2005-12-01T16:52:00.000-05:00

I know I know it has surely been forever since my last entry.  I do apologize.  School has been awfully busy and I have had a few days this week to rest (if that is what you what you want to call it).

Anyway, Lets see what has been going on since my last entry (which I just realized was like a month ago…I’ll do better…you’ll see)

Well we had mid-terms which were very challenging, but I did make it through.  God blessed each exam in His OWN way.  Thank you JC.  What they seem to do here is give you EVERYTHING covered in class and not covered in class and say that it will be on the 50 minutes mid-term exam.  Come on people.  I am not saying that they should tell us exactly what is on each exam but you spend soooooooooo much time studying things that never show up. Perhaps they will appear on the final exam.

Speaking of which:  I cannot believe I have only 11 days of classes left.  Although exams aren’t until January it has amazed me that my time here at Seminary has moved so fast.  I felt like it was just yesterday that my parents were here helping me to move in.  I must say, however, that I don’t know how I would have made it through this semester without my Ethics and Politics Class and My Spiritual Disciplines class.  Those two electives were definitely ordained by God because they don’t require as much work as the others.  Well, they do but the work is not evaluated by tests or papers.  My other courses are quite demanding and I don’t know how I would have managed with other courses with required tests or texts.  God Blesses in God’s own divine way.

I feel like I have had quite a bit of growth since I have been here.  I have NEVER taken school this seriously.  My time in High School (with the exception of Science & Math) required no efforts at all.   Of course when I got to Spelman I think I developed hustling schools as opposed to study skills.  But now I am at a point in my life when I desire to really learn the material and understand it.  Not to just work for a grade.  Which interestingly I think has worked in my favor.  I came here saying that grades would not be my focus but rather to do my best.  And that is exactly what I have done and God has blessed as a result.  I don’t like living my life bound by grades; life is more then that, God is more than that.  Its like a salary (since I’m not working) people who make a lot of money don’t always enjoy what they do, but if you love what you do then the money will come.

I went home for a VERY SHORT thanksgiving break.  I had a Hebrew test this past Monday so my break was not a break.  I did enjoy the time with my family and I preached on Friday.  This was quite an awesome experience for me because I think I definitely had a break through in my preaching.  What a blessing that is because I have been praying that God would begin to really refine this gift (which will take a lifetime) which He has placed inside; and God did and is doing just what I asked.  It was a very uplifting experience.

We were at Shaker Community Church for their fruit of the spirit service.  I didn’t know until I arrived that the services contained all women each addressed a different fruit.  I was assigned faithfulness.  (My sermon is below)  God moved and I am so humbly grateful for God’s presence.

Well I should go, but I will do better next week with an entry.
Be Blessed and reach for the stars!

2005-12-01T16:46:00.000-05:00

Faithfullness @ Shaker Commuinty

When The Honeymoon...

2005-12-01T16:43:00.000-05:00

When The Honeymoon Is Over…
Hosea 6:4,6

Marriage is a beautiful thing.   And although I have never been married I have surely been in love.  And the interesting thing about being in love is that being In-love will make you do crazy things.

You know there is a difference between loving someone and being In-Love with someone.  When a couple who is In-Love and first marries, the music plays awfully loud, doesn’t it?  We can hear nothing but the tender voice of our lover.  If they ask us to do anything we jump at the opportunity to make them happy to serve them.

And during the first few months, and for some even years, of marriage we stay on the island of love with our new found partner. Don’t we?  And during this time of honeymooning we are more certain than ever that

This is the one.

This is the one that God ordained.

This is the one who is called to be my rib.

This is the one who will surely give birth to my children.

This is the one who I will surely grow old with.

This is the one whom I will love forever.

BUT THEN…you have a disagreements.

BUT THEN…the music slowly fades from the clear Bose surround sound stereo speakers to some raggedy janky blown out broke down speaker where you barely even make out the tune.

BUT THEN…One disagreement becomes several arguments.

BUT THEN…you begin to question who is this person that you have put your self in covenant with.

BUT THEN…you wonder what happen to late night love affairs.

What happened to pillow talk.

What happened to dancing all night.

What happen to the laughter all night.

What happened to the random gifts of appreciation and presence.

What happened to comments affirming your destiny

What happened to the whispering of sweet nothings.

What happened, what happened, what has happened.

What HAS happened is that the honeymoon is now over.

And the question for so many is what will you do now that the honeymoon is over.

Will you stay in covenant

Will you push on to see if the good days out way the not so good days.

Will you, in the words of Luther, “Love the one your with.””

Will you stay faithful

Well this question of fidelity was not only relevant to the Churches of Galatia but it is also relevant to the Book of Hosea. One of the major themes in the book of Hosea is fidelity. Hosea the prophet is instructed, by God, to take Gomer, a prostitute, as his wife. And God says to Hosea

Gomer will be unfaithful to you Hosea, but I want you to love her anyhow

Hosea, Gomer will lust after other men, but I want you to love her anyway

I want you to have babies with Gomer even though she will have babies with other men,

but I want you to continue to take her back,

I want you to continue to love her

I want you to take these wayward children in and care for them.

I want you to name them and I want you to love them.

And I want you to care for them.

Basically, want God is saying to Hosea is that

even though you wife is unfaithful,

even though you wife will make you the laughing stock of this community,

even though your wife has the potential to interfere with others hearing the Words that I have given you,

I want you to remain faithful to her and I want you to love her unconditionally.

I want you to love her and stay faithful to her because this is what I have done with Israel.

I have married Israel by covenant and

I have loved Israel and

I remained faithful until Israel

AND YET, Israel has lusted after other things,

AND YET, they have gone out and had babies by other gods.

Yes you have, God says,

You have remained faithful to your kings and not to The King of Kings.

You have worshipped what I have provided, but you have failed to worship Jehovah Jireh The God who Provides

You have adored peace, but you have not adored Jehovah Shalom, The God of Peace.

You have stood in awe of your powerful armies and their victories, but you have not stood in awe of Jehovah Sabaoth, The God of Hosts.

Within the context our key scriptures, vv 4 we learn that God is angry. For God says to Israel and even to many of us today “Your love is like the morning mist like the early dew that disappears.” (Hos. 6:4) God says,

Your faithfulness to me O Israel is sporadic.

Your devotion to me is at your convenience.

Your loyalty to me is only for a short time.

Your commitment to me disappears daily.

But as soon as the sun rises, I can’t find you Ephrim, I can’t find you Judah.

God wants our devotion to Him to be consistent.

He doesn’t want us to be flightily.

He doesn’t want us to be wishy-washy

He doesn’t want us to be inconsistent.

He doesn’t want us to only come to Him when we need something.

He doesn’t want us to repent just so we can get a blessing.

What God wants is all of     who     we      are, our very being, our very core, What God desires is our fidelity.

Which is ever evident in Verse 6.  The NIV sates that God says “For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment” and not burn offerings.  The NIV uses the word “mercy;” but in the original Hebrew translation the word חֶסֶד is used.  In this context, חֶסֶד really means piety, or fidelity to natural obligations.  An example of a natural obligation would be to ones parents or spouse.  These are our natural obligations in human relationships.

Well, God wants the same.  Since God is your creator and since God created you to be in relationship with Him, what God is looking for is your fidelity to Him.

Additionally, the NIV uses the word acknowledge, or in the Hebrew דַעַת, but is important to note here the etymology of דַעַת, which makes reference to ones knowledge of obedience.  Therefore a better translation of the text would render, “For I desire fidelity, not sacrifice, obedience rather than burnt offerings.”

What does this fidelity mean for us in today’s world?  What is God trying to tell us when speaking through Hosea?  Hosea speaks parallel to the context of Paul in his letter to the Galatians.  The reason why Paul mentions faithfulness as a fruit of the spirit was because, like the Israelites under Hosea, the Galatians had lost the faithfulness of their original encounter with God.

For Paul writes the in the 4th Chapter of Galatians beginning at vv 13,

13As you know, it was because of an illness that I first preached the gospel to you. 14Even though my illness was a trial to you, you did not treat me with contempt or scorn. Instead, you welcomed me as if I were an angel of God, as if I were Christ Jesus himself. 15What has happened to all your joy?”

So what Paul is saying is this:  What happened to the “Fresh Wind, The Fresh Fire.”  What happened to your joy in Christ, what happened to your love of God.  What happened to your faithfulness?  Where is the enthusiasm that that you used to have for our God.

Oh, you remember how you were when you first had an encounter with the divine God.  You were so faithful to God.  Whatever God said to do, you did.  You wanted every family member, every friend, ever co-worker to know about this God you encountered.  You were so in love with God and you desired to dwell in God’s presence.

But God say’s now that the honeymoon is over, are you going to remain faithful to me.  And in being faithful, will you worship me, will you serve me, will you endorse me, will you agree with me.

Now that the honeymoon is over will you still draw close to me, will you still long to know all that I am.  Don’t be like the early morning dew, don’t go away from me, don’t worship other things.

Now that the honeymoon is over, don’t turn your back on me, but be faithful to me just as I have been to you.

2005-11-03T17:53:00.000-05:00

New Pic. This is at the Cornell West & TD Jakes event!

Sorry its late

2005-11-03T17:51:00.000-05:00

Ok, I know that it has been forever since my last blog entry, perhaps 2 weeks.  Things have been quite crazy here at Seminary.  I was blessed last week to have gone home for the weekend.  How busy it was.  So I do apologize if I was unable to see you or spend time with you.  The first visit home is always hectic.

Additionally, I think that Thanksgiving will be no better because I am preaching on Friday night (Shaker Community Church) and driving back to PTS on Saturday.  I have to leave Saturday because my Hebrew professor thought it would be a wise idea to give us a major Hebrew test on the Monday after returning.  So I am certain that I will need to study late Saturday night and all day on Sunday to be prepared adequately for the test.  By the way, thanks to those of you who were kind enough to pray for my Hebrew Mid-term.  It was difficult and although I did not finish I did my best and I expect nothing less then that from myself.

When I returned to school it was our reading week.  This the week that PTS gives us to catch up on all of our reading since there is no way possible to do so.  But, I did really start working-working [;o)] until Thursday.  That was because I had a meeting Tuesday then went to NY on Tuesday night.  I did some studying on Wednesday but the TD Jakes and Cornell West even was Wednesday night.  How interesting that was.  For those of you who asked, I was unable to video tape the event but I am gonna try to post a transcription by January.  It is going to take some time.

Well, school is moving along well.  I worked very hard at the beginning of the semester on all of my papers and was unable to really read like other students.  But now I am able to read and other students are consumed with papers.  One of my friends Richard, has 3 papers due this week.  Lord Bless him!   But everyone is working diligently.

And I remind myself everyday that my striving for academic excellence is in no way to bring glory to myself but to show the miraculous power of our God.  I struggle with my reading, I have difficulty paying attention in class, it takes me soooooooooo much longer to complete assignments then other students and yet, God blessed the works of my hands, my efforts.  Some people are here because they are smart whereas I thank God that my parents made me a hard worker.  I say all of this to those who are readying, work not for a pat on the back but to show the awesome power of our God; that in the midst of our imperfections, God can move in powerful ways.  That in the midst of our misunderstanding and chaos, God can brings understanding and order.  How wonderful it is to serve this God.  So wherever you are and whatever you are doing do it to show the glory and power of God is exemplified.  This morinig while praying with Chesla she read a proverb which basically stated being/staying humble brings wisdom.

But I digress.

I must say that I have really been enjoying my experience at Seminary thus far.  It is difficult and it is trying but I am so glad that God has brought me to this place.  And what I think is the most interesting part is that I didn’t want to come to PTS, but it was definitely God ordained.

The relationships that I am building are phenomenal.  Cory and Marcus are very focused on wresting with the theological issues of God (like Jacob) and striving to do their best in their academic pursuit.  I am grateful that God has surrounded me with 2 men who are hard workers and take their academics serious.  They refine me and sharpen me like iron.

Well, I must go.     But let me say in closing.

Whoever you are reading this, you can make it, you can do it.  God never gives you more then you can handle.   You have a destiny and purpose in God, but you must know God to attain that purpose.  I cannot ensure salvation, for salvation requires a depthful examination of you heart, but what I do know is that if you are in PERSONAL relationship with Jesus Christ—Relationship like you are with your best friend—this God will NEVER turn you away.  NEVER leave you.  NEVER forsake you.  Draw close to God and God will draw close to you.  And in doing so, you will NEVER be the same.

I love you, whoever you are, I do love you with the love of Christ.

Amen!

Well glory be to God

2005-10-18T20:25:00.000-04:00

Well, glory be to God because both of my papers were completed.  I haven’t gotten them back yet, but I just pray God blesses.  I did my best and that is all that I can do.  Ya Know!

Any way, I am really enjoying school.  The challenge is great!  By no means do I feel that PTS has tried to change or alter my Jesus.  Thank you Lord.  But I think a lot of this does have to do with a personal relationship.  You can tell the difference between those students who so Christianity as a religion vs. those who see Christ as a part of who I am.  I think this makes a difference.

I notice that several times since I have been here that I keep saying the same thing. “You need to know some things about yourself and about your Jesus before you come to Seminary.”  Without this I am sure that the experience is quite different for other students.  I have seen students already really struggling over some theological issues but when you have a personal relationship with Christ it makes a difference in your approach to the text at hand.

What a blessing it is to know this God who wants to be intimate with us.

Well, for all the folks from Cleveland who are looking on…I will be home this weekend.  I will get in on Friday and leave back on Monday.  All next week we have reading week.  So I will be locking myself in Firestone (PU Library) and trying to catch up and work ahead.  (Aren’t those opposite each other…lol)  But I will look forward to my few days home.

Well, it is time for me to go off to the library.  Please keep me in prayer because my Church History Mid-Term in on FRIDAY AT 8:00 AM. So please say a prayer.

Be Blessed people.  Holla!

A Moment of Intimacy

2005-10-12T01:26:00.000-04:00

It is currently 1:05 AM.  I have two papers due this week.  One is due Thursday and the other Friday.  But I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing right now.

I just finished reading an excerpt from the awesome book by Cleophus LaRue (on staff here at PTS) called, “This is My Story:  Testimonies & Sermons of Black Women In Ministry.”  So far I have read excerpts from 2 of the 25 women.  I try to read one testimony every week for pleasure and for encouragement.  Of course both being 2 of my favorite preaches: Dr. Cynthia Hale and Dr. Claudette Copeland.  Through their words alone one these pages they have made the pleasures and pains a reality for African American women in Ministry.

I wanted to take this moment for myself (an allow you, whoever you may be, to peer with me at where I am)  Here its goes…

I am sure, but I am not quite sure, how I got here.  In some aspects, the way that God has orchestrated me here is evident over my life.  Yet, in other ways I wonder why me.   I guess that is was a part of Jesus’ desert experience.  Was coming to grips with who He was in the flesh having known what he had been in the spirit.

Here in this place I am faced with so many challenges.  I was discussing with my covenant group these inadequacy I often times FEEL.  Each student comes to PTS on a different level.  My peers know theological terms and I don’t.  My peers can read material through once and engage in conversation about it where I have to read it through 2 and 3 times just to make sense of the base of the material.  The list can go on and on.  But yet, I continuously remind myself that although these are things I FEEL, that I have all knowledge and that God has given me everything I need to be successful.

I don’t really know if there are words to describe quite where I am.  I am in the dessert.  I am in a land where the heat is on, the water is rare, and any of the food I receive must last me until the next meal.  In some ways I am hungry and in others I am full.  In some ways I feel lost and in others I am found.

What the Holy Sprit keeps reminding of is to STAND ON WHAT I KNOW.
I Know that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior of my Life.
I Know that I am called the ministry.
I Know that my God will never leave me nor forsake me.
I know that God will provide every single one of my needs
I know that God is present in this place
I Know that I was ordained to be here.

So in the midst of my frustrations I know the power of the God I serve.

So here is my prayer…

Awesome and mighty God.  It is late, but I desire to be in your presence.  I know that you are here.   Thank you for coming.  Daddy, pull me closer to you today.  Pull me close to your bosom and love on me.   I desire to be intimately connected to you.  My heart is longing for you.  I know God then when I operate in you, I feel complete.  I know God that when I operate in you, I become more like Christ.  I know that when I operate in you, I move closer to that moment when all will be made clear.

God I am not perfect.  There are moments when I have allowed my flesh and/or my mind to doubt you.  To doubt your plan.  Forgive me.  What I do know daddy is that if you search my heart you will know my only desire; my only longing is for you.

So tonight God, I am believing you.  I am believing you and wanting to move forward in you.  I am believing that you desire to pull me closer and I am longing for you.

Instruct me!
Lead me!
Guide me!Love on me!
Teach me!
Instruct me!
Councel me!
Mold me!
Shape me!
Do whatever you need me to do so that I might be fully equipped to do the work of your church.

To night, restore the time that has been lost and let me sleep within the arms of your care on tonight that I might wake refreshed and renewed in you.  Let every paper be completed in excellence.  Be in complete control.

Daddy I love you and I bless your Holy Name!

Amen!

2005-10-11T15:29:00.001-04:00

All my books. LOrd have mercy. Where am I gonna put the books for next semester?

2005-10-11T15:29:00.000-04:00

My mom of course pull my room together with curtins and pics. Thanks mom! P.S. See my flowers...there Roses!

2005-10-11T15:28:00.001-04:00

Here's my bed! I wanted Red to remind me of the blood of Jesus. I need it here!

2005-10-11T15:28:00.000-04:00

Wanna See my Room. Come right on in

2005-10-11T15:27:00.001-04:00

Its me!

2005-10-11T15:27:00.000-04:00

Here's Cory. Mentioned him last week too. Everyone is one the phone! ;0P

2005-10-11T15:26:00.000-04:00

This is my friend Marcus. I mentioned him last week.

2005-10-11T15:25:00.000-04:00

This is my covenant group for my Spiritual Disciplines Class. Back Row from L to R. Carol, Robin, Le'Roi. Next to me is Richard. We pray every week on Wednesday's. This group is great!

2005-10-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Rev. Paul, Ms. Martin, and myself.

2005-10-05T10:08:00.000-04:00

My last sunday preaching at Mt. Zion 8.28.05 I'm here with two kids from my church. They are sisters. Can't you tell!

Sorry its been so long...

2005-10-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

I know, I know!  It has been forever since I wrote something.  Yet, I think that this should attest to the fact hat Princeton is HARD AS HELL.  I knew that the process and work load was going to be difficult so it takes some adjusting.  I still don’t think that I have a regular routine, but I will keep working at it.

Let’s see so much has happened.

I have already turned in two papers.  The first was for Church History (CH) on the effects of women in Martyrdom.  It was quite challenging and I was extremely nervous because it was my first paper.  I felt good about my product until I went to class and other students started sharing their papers upon the same topic.  But, I did ok on the paper and I was satisfied with my grade.  The second paper I turned in was for Old Testament (OT) on the story of Hagar and her son Ishmael.  I really enjoyed this paper but it was very challenging.  First of all we cannot go over 1000 words.  That is not a lot of words when you are trying to explain a text and they want scripture sited every 3 sentences.  Ladies and gentlemen this is very difficult.  I will get this paper back tomorrow.  But with OT the papers are pass or fail.  If you fail you have the opportunity to re-write. I pray that I passed because I don’t have time to rewrite a paper.  I have 2 papers due next week.  So my plan is to finish one this week and the other this weekend.  I pray that plan works.  I really don’t like trying to edit/write and 3:00 AM the night before.

I am taking Hebrew.  Lord have Mercy!  Hebrew is challenging. So many rules.  The rules are fairly consistent but it is extremely challenging.  I was praying about weather to take the class pass/fail or for a grade.  My flesh was screaming pass/fail but my spirit said grade.  So I went with the latter.  I am frustrated but I do have the victory.  Please keep this at the top of your prayer lists.  But let me say that I do have a wonderful teacher.  In fact, he wrote the book that seminaries use for Hebrew.  So its great to have the Hebrew guru as your professor.

I am taking this speech class.  Although the class is not challenging it does cause me some internal conflict.  Princeton has this method of making cookie cutter speakers out of its students.  It is the Presbyterian USA method.  But we all know that is not how BLACK FOLK speak or read scriptures.  There reading style is more dramatic than passionate.  So my professor is trying to get me to read like the Preby’s but I struggle because I have cultivated my gift of speech for a long time.  He does bring some good suggestions and some I can accept but you know I want to be true to myself.  So we shall see.

I had the opportunity to sit in on Cornel West’s class for about an hour or so last night.  He teaches Intro to Black Intellectualism with Dr. Eddie Glaude.  Wow, both of these men were phenomenal.  The class was discussing, none other than, W.E.B.’s “Souls of Black Folk.”  Very very good.  They brought some new insight that I had not see before.   I would love to take one of West’s classes but his Intro to Black Intellectualism starts with 250 pages of reading each week.  But already Toni Morrison and Tavis Smiley have visited his class.  So I hope to be able to take one of his courses before I graduate.

I have been church hopping.  Which I have mixed emotions about. I have so many churches that I want to visit but I don’t like getting an inconsistent word.  For a while I was going too “The Baptists Worship Center” with Bishop Millicent Hunter.  That I enjoyed.  I am sure I will go back.  There is no African American female faculty here at PTS, so I would like to have a female pastor preferably, or a church where female full time leadership is on staff.  We shall see.  Dr. Hale was here Sunday.  Praise the lord for Manna and Quail.  As always she preached fire from her belly.  I miss the Ray but I know it’s not my season for that place right now.

I have met some great people here.  Mostly men.  There are supposedly 20 African American students in my entering class.  Only 5 of us are women.  But I still don’t think that I have seen 20.  Anywho, I have become particularly close with two guys, Cory and Marcus.  We study together and hang out on the weekends.  They are very nice and focused.  Each different in their own way but I appreciate the friendship and the support.  Something interesting about each…Cory is a Morehouse man and we share a lot in common.  But we didn’t know each other while in the AUC.  Marcus is COGIC (Church Of God In Christ).  This is interesting for 2 reasons.  For one, the COGIC faith is not big on theological education.  So I am proud of him for stepping out on faith in that regard.  Secondly, he is COGIC and at a Presbyterian seminary.  Pray for the brotha.  COGIC is the largest black PENTACOSTAL denomination.  Nuff said!!

Well time to get dressed for chapel.  I love u and miss you and I’ll write again this weekend.  I had a defining moment in my ministry last weekend but I just don’t have enough time to get into it now.  So look back early next week for my entry.

Be Blessed!

Court

First Day of Classes

2005-09-15T01:55:00.000-04:00

Well, today was my first day of classes.

However, we began the academic year right; by starting with worship!  Today, a worship service was held on the campus where we were all served communion.  I was very moved (even to tears) by the sharing of sacraments because Christ offered himself as a living sacrifice for me and you.  Then I was reminded that the reason I have come to this place, PTS, is to do as Romans 12:1 says, “to offer MY body as a living sacrifice.”

It is evident to me that I am not here by accident but by appointment.  I believe that God has brought me here, to this place, “for such a time as this.”

After worship this morning I ventured to my first class, Intro to Old Testament.  WOW.  All of the M.Div students are in this class, 160 to be exact.  So the class is very large and we have two professors.  They professors lecture 2 times each week and then we hold small work groups called precepts.  I think will work well for me.

In honesty thought, I have been very overwhelmed by all that has taken place in my life for the past 8 days.  With moving to NJ, settling into PTS, Orientation, and starting classes.  It hit me Sunday, while sitting during a worship service on the New Student Retreat.

“Oh my GOD, I’m in Seminary.”

The interesting part is that never in all of my life, had I ever planned to be sitting in Seminary (of all places).  At one point in my life I had plans of the things I wanted to do.  And then God came and captured my heart and I have been moved in my inner place to desire the will of God.  Although I am overwhelmed, I do feel that my spirit is at peace.  For me, this serves as a sign that I am in the will of God.  I love it here.

Well as you can see its awfully late, and although I desire to write more, my eyes can barely stay open.  So I will probably write sooner then later.

Tell then, achieve your dreams…

Settled In...

2005-09-10T16:21:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone:
Forgive me for not writing anything in so long.  When it was time to leave things were quite hectic.  I was packing, shipping, and moving.  But as usual, God brought me through.  This is the first time I have had access to a computer in quite some time.  My laptop should be here on Monday, so prayerfully we can make this a regular.

Anyway, so I have settled in and I am quite excited.  The campus is absolutely amazing.  I love the area and I am trying to get used to the “weird” way that New Jersey does things.  For instance, you can’t pump your own gas and they have these “jug handle” roads.  So basically, you never make a left turn in Jersey.  It will take some getting used to.
Last night we had dinner with president.  He is quite stereotypical of what you would expect of a “Princeton” president.  He is from Scotland and doesn’t talk very loud and used big words.  You know me, I had jokes but since I don’t know anyone yet I had to keep them to myself (I am my fathers child).  Today was the beginning of real orientation.  They laid down the law.  They are quite strict here (but rightly-fully so).  They were explaining that our behavior both on and off of the campus could effect our future here.  They are very big on ethics.  Plus, they told some stories I just couldn’t believe.

I was blessed to sit next to a Morehouse student.  That was a blessing!  There are only 20 African American students in the Masters of Divinity (M.Div) program.  I don’t think I have seen 20.  I think of that 20 only 5 or so are women.  So, I must say this IS the wilderness.  I hope that there will be friendship and blessings among the women and not fighting.  I guess having come from Spelman I am looking for sisterhood.  I pray I find it.

I just finished decided on my classes.  I will be taking the following…
1.  Intro to Old Testament
2.  Intro to Christian History
3.  Intro to Hebrew (PRAY FOR ME YALL)
4.  Intro to Speech in Ministry
5.  Ethics and Politics in the Black Community
6.  Spiritual Disciples for Church Leaders.
I have decided that any courses with Black in the title I MUST take because I need that experience.  So pray this will work out.  My best days will be Wednesday.  I will only have 1 class but Thursdays will be my busy days.

Well I must go, but I will post pictures real soon.  Love you and BE BLESSED!

Starting to open up...

2005-08-19T23:34:00.000-04:00

I am beginning to like this Blog.  I just pray that my passion for it continues once school starts.  Just a few weeks away.  Time is moving so quickly.  My going away party is Sunday (8.21.05), I preach my final sermon at Mt. Zion (8.28.05 / 10:00 and 12:00), I pack up all my stuff up (9.4.05) and hit the road (9.6.05)  Time is a movin’ and I’m trying to keep up.

But the truth is I have such mixed emotions about this next stage in my life.  I know that this is the place which God has called me to but it is a step I need God to walk me through.

This year my focus has been on unconditional love.  I am so glad that this is the place God wants me at right now.  This year God has reminded me that He loves me unconditionally and I in turn have been working to love others unconditionally.  But now God has made it clear that it is time for me to learn to love God unconditionally.  What I mean is that I am on my way to seminary where I may learn some truths about my living God that I may not like.  But I have to choose to love God unconditionally.  But what I love about God is that God is consistent.  Thank You!

In this season of unconditional love I am falling deeper in love with God.
The things I do.  The things I say.  The thoughts I think.
God is amazing and stealing my heart.

I am dissatisfied with my discipline in my prayer life.  But I think that will get better with time and with Seminary.  Chesla and I plan to pray together on a regular basis.  So that will help.  But what I do know is that God is moving me to a place where I can’t afford to not pray.  I do notice that I am constantly in a state of Worship.  It’s wonderful.  I think in many ways this Blog will become a part of my prayer life.  I tend to write when I feel the spirit present.  And I always pray that what I write will bring Glory to God and refine me as a creation.

Well, until the next time the spirit moves…

CLC

P.S.  – I hope you get to see my pictures below.

2005-08-19T23:17:00.000-04:00

Preaching at OIBC

2005-08-19T23:10:00.000-04:00

Preaching at Olivet Institutional Baptist Church. I asked the kids to come to the alter. They FLOODED the pulpit. I guess that was a good thing.

2005-08-19T23:07:00.000-04:00

Amazing. Every time I look at this picture I feel free.

2005-08-19T23:04:00.000-04:00

Isn't that beautiful

2005-08-19T23:03:00.000-04:00

I took this picture outside of the Hadley's home. It had me thinking that I might have an eye for photography. As I always say, "God works in mysterious ways."

2005-08-19T22:58:00.000-04:00

My Three SIMs (Sisters In Ministry) Quinnise, Chesla and Nicole (L to R). We had an awsome vacation.

2005-08-19T22:57:00.000-04:00

My Hair Isn't it long. I've come so far in this year. I think the hair on my head is an indicator of my personal growth. Chesla took this picture while we had a layover in Atlanta.

On Vacation

2005-08-13T21:33:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone. I am trying to get into the habit of blogging even though it is difficult. But, I think if I start now I will have the hang of it by the time school starts.

Currently, I am on vacation with my S.I.M.s/Girlfriends. We are here in beautiful Florida. I feel like we have been all over the state. We flew into Orlando, are staying in Lakeland, visited Tampa and St. Petersburg and went on a spur of the moment over night trip to Miami/South Beach. We were blessed to ride jet skis and go parasailing at John's Pass (near St. Pete's beach). We rented moped/scooters in Miami. It took some getting used to but I have determined that I MUST get a motorcycle. I loved it.

Well, got to jet its time for dinner. I will post pictures some time next week.

Welcome!

2005-08-07T02:38:00.000-04:00

Hello and welcome to my blog. Over my life I have had the opportunity to meet and interact with so many different people who have touched my life and supported me. As I venture off to Princeton Theological Seminary (PTS) this fall, I wanted a way to stay in contact with everyone and keep them abreast of my new adventure. So I utilized modern day technology by establishing this here blog. I will attempt to write (at least) every Wednesday evening while school is in session.

I thought that this would be a cool way to journal my thoughts as I go through this life changing experience.

Thank your for visiting and check back in when you have some free time.

God Bless!

CLC